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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blacklight Eyes *refurbished*dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 276
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 849
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1993



    Description:
       yeah...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlacklight Eyes *refurbished*dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The world's a different place,
    when no one knows your face...
    Like thoughts glued to a reflection,
    life does cruel, cruel things,
    with everything it brings...

    Every single rhyme or metaphor,
    will never describe life behind a door,
    that's a barricade to a soul
    ensnarred in embers and in coal...
    Nor the mask to a heart
    repeatedly torn apart
    by rusty harpstrings
    slowly sawing away...

    Words may never explain,
    how the past causes her to feign
    a life that never was...

    Nor ever will come to be...

    Speech can never describe,
    Leaving her behind
    to her own insecureties
    with one thing in mind...

    The world's a different place,
    when seen through blacklight eyes
    It highlights every trace,
    every tear as she cries...

    It shrouds out all the good
    Eclipsing all the light
    Forever to be trapped in a world,
    that is naught but stars and night...

    It's shards of broken dreams,
    but never what it seems
    It's everything to be feared,
    yet all to be reveered
    It's sight without vision,
    and vision without sight
    To see this world in its true colors,
    has always been her plight...

    It's the image in the mirrors,
    reflections not the same
    It's the picture which she fears,
    and she's the one to blame...

    The tapestry of unthinkable nightmares...
    The canvas one solid color...

    As the fangs of the wolf begin to bare,
    the threads of hope slowly tear...
    Strings of reality take their place,
    the blemish of truth is one we must face...

    Though the winter is forever over...
    her heart's still smothered in frost...
    her faith forever lost....




    Submitted on 2006-12-12 20:05:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      AH-MAZE-ING!!!! Truly, I learn from Masters such as you. Love it!!!!
    | Posted on 2011-03-03 00:00:00 | by ShadowsnLights | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm...there's some stuff i like about the old one and some stuff about the new one...

    The world's a different place,
    when seen through blacklight eyes
    It highlights every trace,
    every tear as she cries...

    from there on to the last stanza i love it!But the flow is just a bit off in parts before that...and in the last stanza i would try doing an

    A
    B
    A
    B

    rhyme scheme to contrast the

    A
    A
    B
    B
    C
    C

    of the last stanza, and to just make it sound better since the previous stanza DOES have a rhyme in it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-13 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      I wonder if there is another poem in the 'blacklight eyes' idea?

    I hesitate to criticize such a heartfelt poem about everything. But I can: it's not such a mighty poem, because it's about everything. Focus them blacklight eyes on somebody walking past and tell us what you see. Focus them on a nearby object and find out what it has to tell you. What does a blacklight boiled egg taste like? This is the artist's path and ... yeaah ok
    | Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]


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