The View From Within
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Description:
The quest to try to love oneself is an arduous journey but one well worth embarking upon...
The View From Within
The view from within is obscured Hinting only at the promise of beauty In the glimpse of blue sky And breeze softly swaying the trees How I long to be outside To feel the heat of the sun To shed the hindrance of my clothing And stand in its warmth And feel the wind tickle my skin With its gentle caress I would lie upon soft grass And listen to the earth speak beneath me In quiet rumbling whispers Of timeless secrets and promises Of eternal laughter and inner peace In a language one can only hear with silence And a message one can only understand with their soul The textures one can only feel with a soft touch The sharpness of a blade of grass against a fingertip The crawling of an insect upon an arm The wetness of a dewdrop The softness of clover The startling blue of God’s eyes Looming above me into infinity I would gaze into their depths Until I could close my own And still see them there Comforting me with the love I feel Seeping into me with the heat of the sunlight Soaking into my very bones Turning me inside-out Reducing my form to nothingness Releasing my soul from its grave Caressing me with gentle hands Smiling upon me with warmth Filling me with beauty Until, perhaps...finally I could gaze upon myself And see my own And then the view from within Would not be limited To the reflection of myself Upon the glass |
Submitted on 2004-06-01 08:50:03 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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What wonderful and refined feelings are expressed here! If your goal was to achieve a lyrical quality, you have certainly succeeded. However, it is technically mediocre. This often is of little importance to both writers and readers, but this poem’s verbiage is sufficiently elegant (and elevated), that it could have benefited greatly from rework. For instance, “feel the wind tickle my skin with its gentle caress” would probably have flowed better with something like, “feel the gentle wind caressing my skin”; the use of fewer words for the same meaning = more effective impressions. The word “tickle” does not work well either. Although alliterative with “skin” because of the “k” sound, it seems to me to connotate a totally different sense than caress – a different kind of stimulation, one soothing, the other exciting, almost laugh-producing, particularly with its hard “kl” sound, so different from the sounds in “caress”. If I seem to be nit-picky, it’s because you have, in writing this, come more than half-way to a very-good poem. I would love to see you take it further. The thoughts and your rhapsodic way of expressing them are impressive.| | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ] | This is really beautiful. I love the image of staring into God's eyes. I like the rejuvenation from the sunshine and the impression in the grass image too. |  | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ] | interesting it seems like you admire the beauty so much that upon death you become one with it like you dont fear it (i could be one) i like the poem u use very colorfull descriptive words the only suggestion i would make is at "I would lie upon soft grass | And listen to the earth speak beneath me" and listen seems to be in a differnt tence then evey thing else maybe you write " I would lie upon soft grass, listening to the earth speak beneath me" to keep it as an action and to get rid of some of the prepesitins great poem | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by casey | [ Reply to This ] | Very touching. I liked the flow, and how you turned it around in the end. Poems like this always touch me for some reason. It's cool to see the different ways that people do it though. Did you just recently write this one. I've noticed that you post a lot sometimes. I was just curious as to how often you write. | | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ] | What a great discovery this write was for me! A jewel from the crown of God has fallen to earth to shine and sparkle and radiate His love among us. If we could only see ourselves like this, as God does! | This was absolutely wonderful. | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ] | |
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