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The View From Within

Author: Emerging Soul
ASL Info:    48/VERY female/Wisconsin
Elite Ratio:    4.36 - 1240 /1114 /244
Words: 254
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1294
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1651


The quest to try to love oneself is an arduous journey but one well worth embarking upon...

The View From Within

The view from within is obscured
Hinting only at the promise of beauty
In the glimpse of blue sky
And breeze softly swaying the trees
How I long to be outside
To feel the heat of the sun
To shed the hindrance of my clothing
And stand in its warmth
And feel the wind tickle my skin
With its gentle caress
I would lie upon soft grass
And listen to the earth speak beneath me
In quiet rumbling whispers
Of timeless secrets and promises
Of eternal laughter and inner peace
In a language one can only hear with silence
And a message one can only understand with their soul
The textures one can only feel with a soft touch
The sharpness of a blade of grass against a fingertip
The crawling of an insect upon an arm
The wetness of a dewdrop
The softness of clover
The startling blue of God’s eyes
Looming above me into infinity
I would gaze into their depths
Until I could close my own
And still see them there
Comforting me with the love I feel
Seeping into me with the heat of the sunlight
Soaking into my very bones
Turning me inside-out
Reducing my form to nothingness
Releasing my soul from its grave
Caressing me with gentle hands
Smiling upon me with warmth
Filling me with beauty
Until, perhaps...finally
I could gaze upon myself
And see my own
And then the view from within
Would not be limited
To the reflection of myself
Upon the glass

Submitted on 2004-06-01 08:50:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  What wonderful and refined feelings are expressed here! If your goal was to achieve a lyrical quality, you have certainly succeeded. However, it is technically mediocre. This often is of little importance to both writers and readers, but this poem’s verbiage is sufficiently elegant (and elevated), that it could have benefited greatly from rework. For instance, “feel the wind tickle my skin with its gentle caress” would probably have flowed better with something like, “feel the gentle wind caressing my skin”; the use of fewer words for the same meaning = more effective impressions. The word “tickle” does not work well either. Although alliterative with “skin” because of the “k” sound, it seems to me to connotate a totally different sense than caress – a different kind of stimulation, one soothing, the other exciting, almost laugh-producing, particularly with its hard “kl” sound, so different from the sounds in “caress”. If I seem to be nit-picky, it’s because you have, in writing this, come more than half-way to a very-good poem. I would love to see you take it further. The thoughts and your rhapsodic way of expressing them are impressive.
| Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really beautiful. I love the image of staring into God's eyes. I like the rejuvenation from the sunshine and the impression in the grass image too.
| Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  interesting it seems like you admire the beauty so much that upon death you become one with it like you dont fear it (i could be one) i like the poem u use very colorfull descriptive words the only suggestion i would make is at "I would lie upon soft grass
And listen to the earth speak beneath me" and listen seems to be in a differnt tence then evey thing else maybe you write " I would lie upon soft grass, listening to the earth speak beneath me" to keep it as an action and to get rid of some of the prepesitins great poem
| Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by casey | [ Reply to This ]
  Very touching. I liked the flow, and how you turned it around in the end. Poems like this always touch me for some reason. It's cool to see the different ways that people do it though. Did you just recently write this one. I've noticed that you post a lot sometimes. I was just curious as to how often you write.
| Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
  What a great discovery this write was for me! A jewel from the crown of God has fallen to earth to shine and sparkle and radiate His love among us. If we could only see ourselves like this, as God does!

This was absolutely wonderful.
| Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]

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