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    dots Submission Name: Mantra of Extinctiondots

    Author: Porcelaine
    ASL Info:    27/F/Croatia
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 880/703/256
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 878
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 731


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMantra of Extinctiondots

    Glam of the addictive
    Liquid tears afew
    Sinergie and vulturescapes
    As prudent madness grew
    Twisted cried collision
    Vacant sought to dusk
    Sinister had copulated
    Tenebras to brusque
    Eyes aflame have spoken
    Timber pale of dreams
    Cleansing darkness conquered
    Violent of screams
    Myriad bliss of fury
    Tore the world anew
    Shadowrapped of coherence
    Sadness seeked askew
    Ether fates have faded
    Rushed along the Sun
    Seeds of gray have raided
    Mercy out to none
    Thus the Era lingers
    Hungry souls to feed
    Rid of sounds of angels
    Eminent of creed
    Soothing the corrosion

    Submitted on 2006-12-14 06:57:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      One line too long - you should definitely end on 'Eminent of creed.' The ending is normally on the rhyme, but you might be trying for something here I didn't understand. Or this could be continued if you want to - 'Soothing the corrosion' kind of seems to leave it hanging.

    Definitely liked this one (even if I didn't get it - and I didn't). The rhymes are well done and the images are stark. I especially liked your combination words like 'vulturescapes.'

    My only suggestions for changes (other than the last line thing):

    Shadowrapped coherence
    Sadness SOUGHT askew (unless you were deliberately using the wrong form).

    Nice work. :-)
    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Little short for you eh. This needs STANZAS! (cos it rhymess!)
    Otherwise I have no complaints, except that the werewhat is trying to eat my brain.
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      Once more, a river of images as only that pale pert poetic princess can proffer! The poem moves along quickly again, lilting much of the way, with some fine and potent rhyme lavish and luxurious deftly turned upon your lucid lathe bravo bravo bravo!!! Michael
    | Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      absolutely superb!!!

    love it!!! this deserves a fedexed cake and skittles!!!

    | Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an intriguing piece! It has a tragic morbidity to it that makes it seem like a bad dream revealed. You have tremendous talent, Porcelaine!
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your style and your rhyming is flawless-certainly you are one of the more talented poets on here.Great usage of weird and wonderful vocabulary too.I can't help thinking though,each time I read a piece of yours,how much more effective your work would be if it was at least a tad more understandable.Don't get me wrong,I'm all for artistic expression etc,I just would like to see you write a reality piece,something we could perhaps relate to a bit more.Just an idea.Take up the challenge if you dare! There is certainly beauty in your poems though and a kind of wild fantasy,which is great.
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Asakura Cowboy | [ Reply to This ]

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