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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: breathe...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rhaine
    ASL Info:    25/Yes/An Alley
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 660/744/196
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 753
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 417



    Description:
       i know thats why you love me chico....so fearless


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbreathe...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    fuming to myself
    as i sit on the ground

    the traitors leak out
    lost lambs of my shadow
    and they wonder why
    i'm forlorn

    it's dismal to watch a girl cry
    the chest is unyielding
    and she flickers with
    melancholy thoughts
    like the tiny frame would
    just snap

    i knew i shouldn't have
    but i did




    Submitted on 2006-12-14 14:09:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the freedom you took with this piece. The mixture of feelings was interesting as was your choice of words. I just have a question on your meaning of line 4. It sounds very good but im sitting here wondering what you mean't. If you could tell me that would be great. I feel dumb not understanding but i realize the first person to know is the one who wrote it right?

    nice write,
    Jan
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this write a lot Rhaine
    This is very emotional and to me speaks of a young girl who against her soulmates better advice did something that now is preventing two hearts that were meant to beat as one from coming together
    The Good Thing is that you included tears because to me Tears are the begining of the healing process
    They wash away the sadness that is trying to corrupt your Heart
    Excellent Job
    I look forward to reading more from you
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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