Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: breathe...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rhaine
    ASL Info:    25/Yes/An Alley
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 660/744/196
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 761
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 417



    Description:
       i know thats why you love me chico....so fearless


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbreathe...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    fuming to myself
    as i sit on the ground

    the traitors leak out
    lost lambs of my shadow
    and they wonder why
    i'm forlorn

    it's dismal to watch a girl cry
    the chest is unyielding
    and she flickers with
    melancholy thoughts
    like the tiny frame would
    just snap

    i knew i shouldn't have
    but i did




    Submitted on 2006-12-14 14:09:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the freedom you took with this piece. The mixture of feelings was interesting as was your choice of words. I just have a question on your meaning of line 4. It sounds very good but im sitting here wondering what you mean't. If you could tell me that would be great. I feel dumb not understanding but i realize the first person to know is the one who wrote it right?

    nice write,
    Jan
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this write a lot Rhaine
    This is very emotional and to me speaks of a young girl who against her soulmates better advice did something that now is preventing two hearts that were meant to beat as one from coming together
    The Good Thing is that you included tears because to me Tears are the begining of the healing process
    They wash away the sadness that is trying to corrupt your Heart
    Excellent Job
    I look forward to reading more from you
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    128723

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Dream written by closetpoet
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Records I written by Raphael
    Cover written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Etiquette written by saartha
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry