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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Can't find a better man...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: redeemer
    ASL Info:    19/female/venus
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 85/93/58
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 671
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 848



    Description:
       This is about my...boyfriendish...Brad...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCan't find a better man...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can't find a bettter man then you
    Try but nothing ever falls through
    The sight of loves fallen to pieces
    Feels like a storm that never ceases

    Can't find a better man then him
    Try and jump off the deep end
    But I sink and can't swim
    Watch as I fall in

    Can't find anything close
    To the one that I love the most
    I can't stand the feelings I get
    When leaving him is what I regret

    Can't find something like
    What I want to be with every night
    Search but cannot find
    What I tried to leave behind

    Can't figure out what to do
    Because all I want is to be with you
    I'm sorry and I know it's sad
    But you have no idea how much I really love you Brad...




    Submitted on 2006-12-14 14:37:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      well well aren't we head over heals! I like this poem, it shows so much growth. Writig from the heart is always a good way to go, so kudos and keep it up!

    great write
    llcollins
    | Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      Loving someone so much is the most amazing feeling anyone can get. I can say about my b/f that there is no one else in this world who can be better than him although he does have his flaws one or two times which drives me crazy.

    You have a few problems in your piece. Just wanted to highlight it to make the piece the best it can be:

    Can't find a bettter man (than) you
    (Tried) but nothing ever falls through
    The sight of (love falls) to pieces
    Feels like a storm that never ceases

    Can't find a better man (than) him
    (Tried) and (jumped) off the deep end
    But I sink and can't swim
    (Watch as I fall in)

    Can't find anything close
    To the one that I love the most
    I can't stand the feelings I get
    (Leaving him is what I will)regret

    Can't find something (I) like
    What I want to be with every night
    (Searched) but cannot find
    What I tried to leave behind

    Can't figure out what to do
    Because all I want is to be with you
    I'm sorry and I know it's sad
    (My love is too deep for you, Brad...)

    There was one sentence that i didn't understand that i think you should rephrase:

    But I sink and can't swim
    (Watch as I fall in)

    Other than that, Cherish every moment of it. Those are the happiest of times knowing you love someone that deep.
    take care....
    Irina
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      awww...I thought this was so nice. It's so great when when we find that person that we just adore and think the world of. When we find the person that we think no man could better than. It's a great place to be in life. Congratulations on having somone in ur life you can write something so beautiful about!! Take care!! ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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