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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: take it in the assdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: milo stills
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 345/476/138
    Words: 535
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 703
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2916



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotstake it in the assdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Everyone at the party knew not to mess with Jud when he lost his temper, which was often. More often than not when he got a couple sixers in him, the best thing to do was just hand him a beer and stay away. Jud wasn’t always so wild, and some of his friends were still adjusting to the man post Iraqi Freedom.

    Right now he was trying to convince some blonde to come back to his trailer and see his purple heart. He jerked up his shirt to reveal three large slashes across his chest. The blonde ran her fingers along the scares. She matched Jud drink for drink and could not stop laughing.

    “You’re a real American hero aren’t you?”

    “Hell yes I am, I don’t know what the boys are gonna do with out me.”

    Jud sucked down the rest of his beer, smashed the can against his head and tossed it across the room.

    “Go get us another, girl.”

    She staggered off laughing to her self and stroking her hips. Jud bleached scanning the crowd. His blonde was the best piece of pussy at this party. It was a pretty lame party, but the beer was free, and the blonde was impressed. He just sat for a moment, watching everyone mill around. Some black kid with a Mohawk plopped down next to him, and lit it a joint.

    “Your name’s Jud right?”

    “Who’s asking?”

    “I’m Eric, I was a freshmen when you where a senior, I used to sell you pot.”

    He looked more closely at the black kid’s faces and everything clicked.

    “Yeah, yeah I know you. What’s up man?”

    Eric was hitting his joint and couldn’t talk. He shrugged his shoulders and slipped a plastic bag in his hand.

    “That’s just a sample, but its good shit. Here take my number.”

    Jud hadn’t smoked grass since high school; he hit the joint twice and was already reeling. Then he realized his blonde still wasn’t back.

    “I’ll be back.” He handed the roach back.

    “See you later, Jud.”

    He grabbed a case on his way out the door and scanned the perimeter. He stopped that ass a mile away. She was sitting against a truck and sobbing.

    “Thought you could get away didn’t you, girl.”

    She just looked at his confused. Then Jud realized it was his truck she was sitting against.

    “Jud my dad’s just called, he’s mighty sore at me for coming to this party. You don’t know what he’s like when he’s mad Jud.”

    “Does he ever hit you baby?” He handed her a beer like a question mark, even if he already knew the answer. He had a sister a lot like the blonde, he knew what to look for. She nodded and slammed back the beer.

    “That’s all I needed to hear, get in the truck.” He tossed the keys at her, and slipped back into the party to steal more beer.





    Submitted on 2006-12-14 15:33:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hmm your title caught my eye...made me laugh...

    totally reminds me of the entire area i live in without trailers
    in a way i feel sad, but humored
    its wasnt what i thought it was going to be, seems real maybe is real...
    definitely mucho appeal...
    its a good start, hope you do plan on finishing it off, not just a cliff hanger

    rhaine
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]
      Very interesting story, but i would like to know what happens next. I spotted some typos so here they are.

    The blonde ran her fingers along the scares.
    (should be scars)

    Hell yes I am, I don&#8217;t know what the boys are gonna do with out me.&#8221;
    (without)

    She staggered off laughing to her self and stroking her hips. (herself)

    Mohawk plopped down next to him, and lit it a joint.
    (mohawk doesn't have to be capitalized and lit up a joint? I don't know what you wanted to write there actually, maybe himself?)

    &#8220;I&#8217;m Eric, I was a freshmen when you where a senior, I used to sell you pot.&#8221; (were) (i used to sell you pot could be another sentence.)
    (plus the next sentece when you wrote faces, you want face)

    (after that you might wanna write in Jud's hand if you were talking about Eric giving him weed.)

    He stopped that ass a mile away. (spotted?)

    She just looked at his confused. Then Jud realized it was his truck she was sitting against.
    (his should be him and if you put leaning instead of sitting in this sentence and the sentence prior, it sounds better)

    He handed her a beer like a question mark, even if he already knew the answer. (even "though" he already knew the answer could be used instead of if)

    ok i know i corrected a lot of things but it still was good and it kept me reading. The corrections are just so nothing is taken away from your piece. I liked it because it was really different and it reminds me of "Friday night lights" the tv show, for some reason. I guess the partying and all. It leaves a adolescent atmosphere. interesting title too, wonder why you picked it.

    Nice write,
    Jan
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh please continue, i would really like to hear how it ends and junk. It'svery good and really drags you in.:)
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by -amberina | [ Reply to This ]


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