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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mohammeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clarkie
    ASL Info:    18/F/FL
    Elite Ratio:    5.33 - 101/76/36
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 728
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 307



    Description:
       I wrote this in about five minutes. It might suck. If anyone wants to know what it's about, exactly, message me. And I'd love to hear your guesses here on the comments page. Even if you don't want to critique.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMohammeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Mohammed went to the mountain
    I have come to you; my mountain
    I will sit at the base, and watch
    What did Mohammed do, I wonder?
    Did he pray? I cannot
    Would Mohammed wail?
    Wailing does no good
    I have come to the mountain
    Still, we are immovable




    Submitted on 2006-12-14 23:19:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Mohammed went to the mountain
    I have come to you; my mountain
    I will sit at the base and watch
    What did Mohammed do, I wonder?
    Did he pray? I cannot
    Would Mohammed wail?
    Wailing does no good
    I have come to the mountain
    Still, we are immovable



    Hmmm...

    A love affair between two mountains?

    Sounds like a great relationship. Something very similar to an impossible, immoveable, unrequited, passionate perfection that can only exist in the mind because the reality of what these two souls share is closer to an atomic meltdown on the order of someone going entirely postal (in other words, the situation can't be neatly resolved). Close enough?


    I would consider revising this so it appears less like a paragraph and more like the brief poem that it is. Just a thought.

    Take care.
    Bill.



    | Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      It is cool but was wondering if ye were to think of line changes thusly:

    Mohammed
    -------------------------------------------

    Mohammed went to the mountain
    I have come to you;
    my mountain
    I will sit at the base,
    and watch
    What did Mohammed do,
    I wonder?
    Did he pray?
    I cannot
    Did Mohammed wail?
    Wailing does no good
    to me
    I have come
    to a mountain
    Still,
    we are immovable

    also flicked a few words in & out, which may alter meanings too much.
    koster





    | Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]


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    128791

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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