Description: J.S. Bach, Cello Suite No. 1, 4. Sarabande; utterly beautiful piece, even if you only have the first 33 seconds of it looped on repeat due to a damaged CD.
33 seconds of Bach -------------------------------------------
still reminds her of lemon-heavy trees
with citrus thickening the air all around
making it impossible to leave.
was that what it was like to just lay
in complete understanding and light,
away from the heat and laugh together?
sweet grasses still tickle his senses
and love-warmed linen enfolds the memory,
though it's only the rain with him now.
it was only 33 seconds of Bach
but it was enough to not have to say those things,
carefully between stirring cello chords.
i love classical music and i recently wrote something similar, in prose form, about beethovan's moonlight sonata (the third movement).
over all, i admire your use of imagery. however: i understand what you're trying to say in "was that what it was like to just lay/ in complete understanding and light,/ away from the heat and laugh together?" but breaking "to just lay" and "laugh together" into two parts interrupted by the other phrase clouds the issue, i think.
lastly, i personally try to avoid repeating the title in the poem, because an old professor of mine told me it was redundant. now, i don't *always* follow this principle. but just a suggestion none the less. i'm nitpicky in my own work, so feel free to critique my work with the gentleness of a scrap of steel wool.
i'm going to committ the cardinal sin of not reading other people's comments before leaving my own. but i just want to make a comment that isnt affected by anyone elses opinion.
this poem is brimming with emotions and images and scents and feelings that are so powerful. felt like i was a part of everything that was being described. and the last 2 lines are exquisite.
i'm not a huge fan of classical music.. but i can definitely appreciate how music can hold so much meaning..
So atmospheric… This is lovely. The second stanza feels perfect; the first is clumsy in places (isn't it 'lie' not 'lay', or is this an American thing I don't know about?) but there is little to criticise. Beautiful. Becky
Bach....the creation of harmony....multiple notes dancing together, creating a whole, and sound with far more depth, far more power....images crafted from melody.....one image starts, and slowly the others join in....no longer an image, but a picture, a feeling, a moment.....
and starting it all with still....lets the reader wonder if 33 seconds of Bach (the title) still reminds her, or is it something all together different, not important enough, or too important, to mention...
love-warmed linen...much more comforting than dryer-warmed linen (not that i don't like dryer warmed linen)
I love classical music, and that is what drew me here. Now I'm not sure if it was the images elicited by the music or what happened while it was playing. Nicely written, but somehow incomplete without your description.
i love this!! the imagery is insane!!! i completely adore the last stanza ... 'though it's only the rain with him now it was only 33 seconds of Bach but it was enough to not have to say those things carefully between stirring cello chords' damn thats insane!! i love it!! worship you completely! you know... now i wanna go track down this piece and listen to it... hmmm... i wonder how feesible that is... anyways,... awesome write!!
I love classical music. i like the flow of this one. It's like translating the music to words. I like the line "though it's only the rain with him now". So much feeling to it.
Play it again and he might come in from the rain. Play it again and he might come in from the rain. This is just a treat. Composure but not composed, it's ticking away like a wrist held up to the night light. You should have turned it off at the 12 second point - and said those things. Yes you should. K
the sound of a cello gets me right deep in the core of my soul. one of the most beautiful instruments ever, i could listen to it forever! i very much enjoyed this. music can evoke powerful emotions and memories as well. great job, well done!!
The imagery here is phenom, and I LOVE lemons. Also I like the cool alliteration in love-warmed linnen, the reference giving both a scent and a feel to it. And now I think you've helped coin an expression for when you get those opening bars of some song, great or awful, stuck in your head. Got it "looped" Ciao.
Glad I didn't miss this one Grace, it is utterly beautiful. Great music is born of passion,and like passionate love creates transcendence, bridging the everyday world with that of the gods. The "lemon heavy trees","and love-warmed linen "--the sweet grass tickling---make a feast of ambrosia for all the senses. 33 Seconds is more than enough for memory. and the imagination, to rework the magic , relive the moment----whether seconds ago or years ago. This is simply Super--AAA+ Silver
Submission Name: 33 seconds of Bach
