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    dots Submission Name: to touch peacedots

    Author: freeangel
    ASL Info:    22/female/bournemouth
    Elite Ratio:    3.59 - 87/117/110
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 522
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 401


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    dotsto touch peacedots

    To touch peace

    Music. The feeling it generates.
    Almost touches what they are looking for.
    What their cells strain to reach.

    Slow movement and arms raised in sheer oneness
    With the song, touching the stars.
    Briefly before a new beat invades and breaks
    The connection.

    Love to dance.
    If only to touch peace.

    Submitted on 2006-12-15 04:08:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think the parallel between peace and music is rather intriguing in this poem. I don't exactly know what the connection is, though, and I'm having trouble making the connection outside of the poem.

    However, inside of the poem are nicely presented metaphors constructing the goal of the musician, and the connection that music creates between dancers and listeners. I think this concept makes for a nice poem, and I enjoy your balance of meaning and imagery in this poem. Many amateur works focus on either imagery or a metaphor, but you seem to combine them nicely here.

    I'm not sure if I'm hearing a symphony or a party-like dance music type thing, though. I think that this poem is thought raising, since you talk about peace, subtly, but make sure the reader always keeps that in mind with the title. I wish I could ascertain your understanding of peace a little more by reading your poem. That would be my only compliant--I'd like to understand why touching peace is important, and what kind of peace we're talking about. Inner, global, etc.

    Good luck!
    | Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by Jakle1111 | [ Reply to This ]

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