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    dots Submission Name: Sanbox, take 2.dots

    Author: Orin
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 93/97/43
    Words: 41
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 965
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 270

       I don't venture into poetry very often, but here's a brief piece that came to me one morning.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSanbox, take 2.dots

    You lay in a tent,
    Your hands feel like ice.
    You took two to the chest.
    There's blood in your eyes.
    The doc says hello,
    He says it's all right.
    But you already know
    You won't live through the night.

    Submitted on 2006-12-15 20:40:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey i think you should venture into poetry more often as you have expressed yourself quite clearly and powerfully in this.

    I commend you as a story writer but i think you show potential in poetry, as prose is a great expression of how you feel or see things i see poetry as a more focused concentrated or condensed form of expression. This piece catured my imagination but also left me wanting more, i guess that is also part of the impact imparted in its concise nature. This was good, liked it!


    | Posted on 2009-09-13 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good, short but really good. I don't know what to say about it really. Besides that it really pulls at your emotions, and your mind can see the sceene vividly. YOu didn't use a lot of discription but it was enough, just enough. THis is a grood pice, keep on writing.

    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by S.A.M. | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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