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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: fly on the walldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 959
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 938



    Description:
       ever had that nosy someone spread ur business. uh huh, i know how ya feel...read this and comment..i want to make sure all can relate...im really really looking for criticism folks..be generous with it..im a tough cookie, i think lolol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfly on the walldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I see you as you swallow
    my every crumb of sound
    Go away and do your one-per-second-droppings 'round

    you fly on the wall
    I cant help but feel like I've been cheated
    fly on the wall
    you buzz around ands whisper with the walls

    I should've known when you were hungry
    for the truth, for the lies
    for the exaggerated fairytales
    Fly away, don't you have some larvae to feed?

    I just wanna swat you dead
    stick a pin right thru your wings
    blindfold your thousand eyes
    so you can't bother me no more

    you are
    just a fly on the wall
    like a sponge you absorb what you drown in
    I wanna ring you in the sink

    go down the drain
    feel my pain
    fly on the wall
    You'll know how I feel
    when i thump you down the garbage disposal




    Submitted on 2004-06-01 15:03:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this a lot. I have to admit that I was expecting something a little more AC/DC (so glad it isn't). I love the line "my every crumb of sound." I can see so many things for which the fly could stand.
    | Posted on 2004-06-02 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I think we can all relate. I think this is good. I especially like a lot of the words you use - "...for the exagerrated fairy tales." Good Job.
    | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by Jann | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the 'whispering in the walls' and the garbage disposal line. I dunno--it didn't seem all that angsty to me, like Cai responded with. Just very angry, which is fine. Anger is anger. Angst is 'woe is me.' Yes, whispering in the walls. I can definitely relate. I wish this were my theme...poem.
    | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by Chihuahuii | [ Reply to This ]
      This has some great feelings put down and I for one can relate very well, unfortunately. You made some gramatical errors, eg. 'thru' should be 'through,' 'nomore' should be 'no more,' and 'youll' should be 'you'll.' But other than that you described perfectly my attitude towards someone who I thought was a friend. You also made some great comparisons, like absorbing information and sponges, and being hungry for truth and lies as well as swallowing every crumb of sound is great writing.
    | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      Full of angst... I feel you here. i thought this was a good write. I love the comparison you made with the fly on the wall... it provides the perfect vision to accompany these feelings.
    | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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