Description: ever had that nosy someone spread ur business. uh huh, i know how ya feel...read this and comment..i want to make sure all can relate...im really really looking for criticism folks..be generous with it..im a tough cookie, i think lolol
fly on the wall -------------------------------------------
I see you as you swallow
my every crumb of sound
Go away and do your one-per-second-droppings 'round
you fly on the wall
I cant help but feel like I've been cheated
fly on the wall
you buzz around ands whisper with the walls
I should've known when you were hungry
for the truth, for the lies
for the exaggerated fairytales
Fly away, don't you have some larvae to feed?
I just wanna swat you dead
stick a pin right thru your wings
blindfold your thousand eyes
so you can't bother me no more
just a fly on the wall
like a sponge you absorb what you drown in
I wanna ring you in the sink
go down the drain
feel my pain
fly on the wall
You'll know how I feel
when i thump you down the garbage disposal
I like this a lot. I have to admit that I was expecting something a little more AC/DC (so glad it isn't). I love the line "my every crumb of sound." I can see so many things for which the fly could stand.
I liked the 'whispering in the walls' and the garbage disposal line. I dunno--it didn't seem all that angsty to me, like Cai responded with. Just very angry, which is fine. Anger is anger. Angst is 'woe is me.' Yes, whispering in the walls. I can definitely relate. I wish this were my theme...poem.
This has some great feelings put down and I for one can relate very well, unfortunately. You made some gramatical errors, eg. 'thru' should be 'through,' 'nomore' should be 'no more,' and 'youll' should be 'you'll.' But other than that you described perfectly my attitude towards someone who I thought was a friend. You also made some great comparisons, like absorbing information and sponges, and being hungry for truth and lies as well as swallowing every crumb of sound is great writing.