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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: lately..dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: weepingwillow
    ASL Info:    23/f/Brighton
    Elite Ratio:    2.91 - 38/75/35
    Words: 37
    Class/Type: Prose/Romance
    Total Views: 1087
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 343



    Description:
       lately i feel the need to travel the americas.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslately..dots
    -------------------------------------------


    seal me in
    dust..cover me
    stringy, blackened
    impossible to stay clean on this muse

    elemental wander
    buried in pinecone scensation
    moss tendrils
    chinky fragmentation

    all wind, all glassbubbles
    clothe me.

    brownpaperandstringit
    envelope my youth




    Submitted on 2006-12-16 13:06:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You stopped by and didn't even say hi? Anyway alas I can comment.
    Seal me in
    Dust cover
    I knew you built a fort out of blankets i used to do that when I was little.
    Who is the muse your on? are they covered in charcoal?
    Wandering the elements sniffing pinecones in search of pignolias
    I want pants made out of moss will you make me some
    You can mail it with youre envwloped youth. Mmm ahesive glue.

    Seriously the meaning is obvious if given any thought. I like this better than anything I've read from you in a while. Are your skies still azure?Ours are blank and everything is blanketed in snow.
    | Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      This has some interesting images, but your errors really mar this. For example, I think for "elemental wander," you probably meant "elemental wonder." I think you meant "sensation" and "envelop" too. I think the run-together words work well, but I'm not sure you need the ellipsis. ("Dust, cover me" works just as well to me because ellipses are abused so much that even when one would work, I think it's better omitted). I also think you need to put in some omitted words; for instance, in "impossible to stay clean on this muse," I think you should add an "it's."

    Nicely done,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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