This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: Liv2LoveThePain
ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527 /1515 /256
Words: 64
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1762
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 523



Old violence in a modern time
still follows blank instruction signs
to spin until there's no reverse
where bodies live for just the hearse.

And when the end's defined,
he'll scream to God, "She's mine."
(I hope God doesn't listen.)

Severed flesh, thin and distorted.
Witnessing a love contorted.
Like twenty needles in your spine,
the sacrifice is close behind.

Submitted on 2006-12-16 13:14:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I agree with whendt, except that someone is Satan... so what stops you? There are ways to KNOW if you are going to heaven or hell. Read Romans chapter 10 verses 9 and 10.

I liked this one, it made me think of a lonely candle flickering the back corner of a dark room desperately fighting against the darkness, hoping to last until the sunrise.
| Posted on 2006-12-20 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
  Great work Nikki! loved this and it made me feel that you want to get away from someone? Well good luck on that. Great poem!
| Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  I think you should add another line to the second stanza so it fits in easier you know. Bloody good write though.

Always yours,
| Posted on 2006-12-16 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?