Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: does it really need a title?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: silent_death12
    Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 1739/805/135
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1089
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1210



    Description:
       i'm almost sorry for this, first post in a while and it sucks. i find it sadly ammusing how the writes that i put the most emotion into end up being worse than the rest of them. this was pretty straightforward, somewhat cliché and a little overdone..how many ways are there to write about love? (not being dark...i'm always that way, need a break) some of this is symbolic, other than that i'm outta stuff to say o_O


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdoes it really need a title?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    And she inhaled the whispers he created,
    bled every word internally.(hid it so well)
    every word seemed to keep her heart beating.
    as she thought of the gentle receding,
    of her head resting upon his scarred chest.
    fragile wounds that can not bleed,
    how to heal a wound never completed?
    like a half-hearted suicide attempt.
    She bled with him, though they were apart.
    and when together, bleedings hearts calmed;
    smiles replaced built up tear-laced agony.
    for once, everything just seemed alright.
    he reminded her why death could wait,
    that life was so much more than mere existence.
    in his arms she let herself be safe-
    he radiated a similar resplendence.
    she'd be his lost, broken-winged angel,
    and he, her beautifully innocent demon...
    fore what can be made of a few ill-intentions?
    both lived off a similar emotional masochism.
    (the term really *was* endearing though!)
    apathy and misery seemed to dissolve,
    in the face of a perfectly tainted love...
    two broken hearts and fading souls-
    seem to fit perfectly together to make one.




    Submitted on 2006-12-16 19:46:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
       This wasn't incredibly cliché, although obviously some parts did seem a bit, and others seemed a bit forced. However, I liked it simply becasue of your description, I agree that the things you put the most emotion to often come out the worst, I feel that way alot. As far as the love poem goes- it had some good represented ideas, the falling for somone falling type thing, there is a great poem/song about that called "Things Behind the Sun" by Nick Drake.
    | Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]
      ok i just read your comment request*someone to relate* and sorry in a love love relationship i really can't but in a love hate or in a not going to happen or pretend to care relationship i would be more able...
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      wow you make me more and mor jealous everytime i read your stuff...your really talented i wish i could ever be as good as you...when i read this i was breathing in the words like air for my soul...
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      shyt, that was different. I thought my love poems were wacked(I actaully mean that in a good way, though sick) a couple parts seemed forced or put in, simply cause you liked the lines, not because you felt the flow, or maybe you were trying to create a more wholesome poem around those lines, both are as feesable. Also I'd give it a different structure. It's pretty decent, but can be done better if revised.
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    129029

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    ME written by jjd
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Genesis written by saartha
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Stretto written by saartha
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry