Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: does it really need a title?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: silent_death12
    Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 1739/805/135
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1067
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1210



    Description:
       i'm almost sorry for this, first post in a while and it sucks. i find it sadly ammusing how the writes that i put the most emotion into end up being worse than the rest of them. this was pretty straightforward, somewhat cliché and a little overdone..how many ways are there to write about love? (not being dark...i'm always that way, need a break) some of this is symbolic, other than that i'm outta stuff to say o_O


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdoes it really need a title?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    And she inhaled the whispers he created,
    bled every word internally.(hid it so well)
    every word seemed to keep her heart beating.
    as she thought of the gentle receding,
    of her head resting upon his scarred chest.
    fragile wounds that can not bleed,
    how to heal a wound never completed?
    like a half-hearted suicide attempt.
    She bled with him, though they were apart.
    and when together, bleedings hearts calmed;
    smiles replaced built up tear-laced agony.
    for once, everything just seemed alright.
    he reminded her why death could wait,
    that life was so much more than mere existence.
    in his arms she let herself be safe-
    he radiated a similar resplendence.
    she'd be his lost, broken-winged angel,
    and he, her beautifully innocent demon...
    fore what can be made of a few ill-intentions?
    both lived off a similar emotional masochism.
    (the term really *was* endearing though!)
    apathy and misery seemed to dissolve,
    in the face of a perfectly tainted love...
    two broken hearts and fading souls-
    seem to fit perfectly together to make one.




    Submitted on 2006-12-16 19:46:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
       This wasn't incredibly cliché, although obviously some parts did seem a bit, and others seemed a bit forced. However, I liked it simply becasue of your description, I agree that the things you put the most emotion to often come out the worst, I feel that way alot. As far as the love poem goes- it had some good represented ideas, the falling for somone falling type thing, there is a great poem/song about that called "Things Behind the Sun" by Nick Drake.
    | Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]
      ok i just read your comment request*someone to relate* and sorry in a love love relationship i really can't but in a love hate or in a not going to happen or pretend to care relationship i would be more able...
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      wow you make me more and mor jealous everytime i read your stuff...your really talented i wish i could ever be as good as you...when i read this i was breathing in the words like air for my soul...
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      shyt, that was different. I thought my love poems were wacked(I actaully mean that in a good way, though sick) a couple parts seemed forced or put in, simply cause you liked the lines, not because you felt the flow, or maybe you were trying to create a more wholesome poem around those lines, both are as feesable. Also I'd give it a different structure. It's pretty decent, but can be done better if revised.
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    129029

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Linger written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    To written by SavedDragon
    Push written by JanePlane
    Incubus written by monad
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Giving written by jjd
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry