Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

does it really need a title?

Author: silent_death12
Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 1739 /805 /135
Words: 179
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1674
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1210


i'm almost sorry for this, first post in a while and it sucks. i find it sadly ammusing how the writes that i put the most emotion into end up being worse than the rest of them. this was pretty straightforward, somewhat cliché and a little many ways are there to write about love? (not being dark...i'm always that way, need a break) some of this is symbolic, other than that i'm outta stuff to say o_O

does it really need a title?

And she inhaled the whispers he created,
bled every word internally.(hid it so well)
every word seemed to keep her heart beating.
as she thought of the gentle receding,
of her head resting upon his scarred chest.
fragile wounds that can not bleed,
how to heal a wound never completed?
like a half-hearted suicide attempt.
She bled with him, though they were apart.
and when together, bleedings hearts calmed;
smiles replaced built up tear-laced agony.
for once, everything just seemed alright.
he reminded her why death could wait,
that life was so much more than mere existence.
in his arms she let herself be safe-
he radiated a similar resplendence.
she'd be his lost, broken-winged angel,
and he, her beautifully innocent demon...
fore what can be made of a few ill-intentions?
both lived off a similar emotional masochism.
(the term really *was* endearing though!)
apathy and misery seemed to dissolve,
in the face of a perfectly tainted love...
two broken hearts and fading souls-
seem to fit perfectly together to make one.

Submitted on 2006-12-16 19:46:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


   This wasn't incredibly cliché, although obviously some parts did seem a bit, and others seemed a bit forced. However, I liked it simply becasue of your description, I agree that the things you put the most emotion to often come out the worst, I feel that way alot. As far as the love poem goes- it had some good represented ideas, the falling for somone falling type thing, there is a great poem/song about that called "Things Behind the Sun" by Nick Drake.
| Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]
  ok i just read your comment request*someone to relate* and sorry in a love love relationship i really can't but in a love hate or in a not going to happen or pretend to care relationship i would be more able...
| Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
  wow you make me more and mor jealous everytime i read your stuff...your really talented i wish i could ever be as good as you...when i read this i was breathing in the words like air for my soul...
| Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
  shyt, that was different. I thought my love poems were wacked(I actaully mean that in a good way, though sick) a couple parts seemed forced or put in, simply cause you liked the lines, not because you felt the flow, or maybe you were trying to create a more wholesome poem around those lines, both are as feesable. Also I'd give it a different structure. It's pretty decent, but can be done better if revised.
| Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?