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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Glow-in-the-dark bulletdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: silent_death12
    Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 1739/805/135
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1270
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1128



    Description:
       again, another concept i truly do need to do more with...just messing around with the idea. but tell me what you think so far k?
    <black angel?> *testing that "codename" out...angie made it but it seems a little lacking *


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGlow-in-the-dark bulletdots
    -------------------------------------------


    At what point does a woman
    cease being a mother?
    choosing temporary euphoria,
    over an elated child's touch.
    And when does a father
    stop being a hero?
    kissed his son goodnight,
    only to leave again.
    why shouldn't a child,
    be proud of his dad?


    Tear-graced eyes
    weep midnight sorrow-
    when every blackened corpse,
    becomes a nameless martyr;
    media has lost its cause.
    Leaders take such pride in war-
    profit gained from innocent bloodshed.
    what value is to be held
    in 1000 ordinary lives?


    Screams echo across starlit skies,
    (which you'd choose to ignore)
    At what point will we ever let go?
    (of doubt...fear, spiteful hate.)
    As dreams still glorify her
    starless hazel eyes.
    from bleeding hearts flow
    heavy, scarlet waves.
    Do you always choose
    your favorite responsibility?
    (and turn your back on the rest.)
    And you think you can decide
    when I mean anything to you?




    Submitted on 2006-12-16 19:58:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is so strong. The impact is Whoa.

    I think its neat how you did the first stanza then the second and then how they tie up at the end.It could be personal and it could also be yelling at us to make things right that we can. i love it. and i diggs the title.



    | Posted on 2009-05-27 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting write, with several different layers in it. I can't tell if all three parts are interconnected directly, or just through themes of loss and despair, chaos and control. And for that I'm grateful. I love pieces that allow some freedom of movement for the reader.

    At first the questions seem more generalities, yet you finish with a directly pointed question (to who, the decider, the lover, the reader).

    And so I'm feeling not only a critique of societal ills and missteps, but also a resistance and strength, a rebellion of morality and wisdom.

    Good rhythm, good speed, intriguing premises. Nice write,

    James
    | Posted on 2007-12-20 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      this was like so totally tubular dude, knarlyy. Like, if this was a wave it be like a typhoon, it's so awesome, radicool, and out there. You know? It's so meaningful, this is like stuff an anti-biddha would right. Meaningful and deep, but not quite tranquil basically opposite you know. BUt this was illage. It had some real depth to it, seriousily; i'd give it a 6 but it only goes to 5, so I did what I could. Shibbyrific!
    | Posted on 2006-12-31 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this, How I could relate to it in some many ways, and how it manipulated with my mind, as the reader has no idea how its going after the first stanza, it flowed smoothly and had an interesting wording,.

    "At what point does a woman
    cease being a mother?
    choosing temporary euphoria,
    over an elated child's touch.
    And when does a father
    stop being a hero?
    kissed his son goodnight,
    only to leave again.
    why shouldn't a child,
    be proud of his dad?"

    The mortality in which is performed to the being of a mother, that is going back to childhood, which im someway still in but sourght off moved out of, a long while back, really.. I loved how it captured my mind, by the first two lines, very strong beginning, well its not very poetic in the wording, its more like u are talking in a number of questions, I liked that though. Very in depth going and had an interesting meter for the reader!!

    "Tear-graced eyes
    weep midnight sorrow-
    when every blackened corpse,
    becomes a nameless martyr;
    media has lost its cause.
    Leaders take such pride in war-
    profit gained from innocent bloodshed.
    what value is to be held
    in 1000 ordinary lives?"

    The second stanza, moved very quickly out of how I imagined the next of this would be like, and I love that, so I imagine someone looking back at the past, weeping at the time, and curses the world, in a wonderous mood of why? so I felt it very emotional, and very strong in the wording, like maybe witnessed death, in love! maybe not in present time, but in the past, and now the wrong feeling of a wrong turn, has come to pas the mind, of what the wording is described to maybe feel like the victim, then its moved to the media, and war, and pride, so for a loved one, maybe lost in the war, now cursing the leaders, for what pride they take by deaths of 1000s,. Very emotional and extremely bittersweet in a sad yet cryptic way.

    "Screams echo across starlit skies,
    (which you'd choose to ignore)
    At what point will we ever let go?
    (of doubt...fear, spiteful hate.)
    As dreams still glorify her
    starless hazel eyes.
    from bleeding hearts flow
    heavy, scarlet waves.
    Do you always choose
    your favorite responsibility?
    (and turn your back on the rest.)
    And you think you can decide
    when I mean anything to you?"

    So now I believe it might be cursing hate to the president, I loved the strong cryptic side of this, when then just ozzes hate, and wonderous justice, might be overlooked, maybe for anyone in particular the loved one, loved the message cause I hate war too,, maybe im wrong, it could just as easily be your own war, speaking in tongues of justice and glory, everything is taken for granted before it turns back at yourself, as of death, the cause of death, the particular, world of now shattered in every direction possible, now cause of your immortality, your freedom of expression, your right to be you!!

    "Do you always choose
    your favorite responsibility"

    hmm well, this might the particular area of depression, the favorite responsibilty, that must be hate, the love to hate, the question for you, that you feel your right to particular, in any depth going way, has the right to be questioning. So I very very much loved this one!!

    Extremely satisfying, and mindbreaking piece, very strongly and aggressive wording, with nice imagery and well expressed even though cryptic.

    cheers!!
    | Posted on 2006-12-28 00:00:00 | by -=Bass=- | [ Reply to This ]
      great work on this. This was very creative i realy liked the begining;
    "At what point does a woman
    cease being a mother?
    choosing temporary euphoria,
    over an elated child's touch.
    And when does a father
    stop being a hero?
    kissed his son goodnight,
    only to leave again.
    why shouldn't a child,
    be proud of his dad?"
    this realy got me into what you wrote and got me thinking. Great work keep it up!

    | Posted on 2006-12-22 00:00:00 | by FLHgg | [ Reply to This ]
      I wrote this yesterday so I'll write it again. The three stanzas are incosistent, well sort of. You see.. The first one is talking about children being the victims of things they can't control, the second talks about soldier that fight in wars they can't really control themselves. The last one just seemed a little more personal than the other two, as if almost putting yourself in a position of being a victim to things you can't really control. Worse part is, the last part really seems to pin it on somebody. Poor person , wouldn't want to be the guy. Anyhow...

    What this piece made me think of and imagine...... hmmm The first part reminded me a lot of my childhood, of backstabbing and stuff like that. Especially that psychologist. He told me I wasn't normal because I didn't have any emotional reaction... I guess I was a freak.. I mean what child in his right mind wouldn't react to that? And as for the last question.. well.. the list goes on for quite a while... but I've reasons I guess... in general? To fall to the same vice as his father is why. I can't express to you how much the beginning of the second stanzas speaks to me.. Wifes crying over their lost loves, who have they themselves been an iota is the hallowing of meaningless titles, ideas and leaders - in a sense. The last part, and I may be reading it selfishly, but sort of just says that freedom of speech had its time, but it's lost meaning in contemporary society because it's just another reason to backstab and not trust each other.. and well it's one of the bigger causes of injustices in the world. The next part is a little obviously sarcastic, I've been talking to somebody a little too much lately, but yeah. "ordinary lives" which I've mentioned just demeans the boundless value of each and every single one of them. I dislike the "facts" per se that you stated right before that bit too, it's just kind of depressing if you think about it. And people have the audacity to blame it on others, still to this day, not enough have died for us all to learn. It's a pit....y really..

    I disagree with the next bits. I doubt he's choose to ignore you, not if he really knew what you meant to him. But I guess it's hard to show him that sometimes isn't it? You could..... ressort to other things you know. I'm shure everybody can say they are trying to let go of their fears and doubts - which in turn are signs of spiteful hate, which is redundant by the way but herm - but who is really that selfless? And if somebody were, who out of us all would not be as selfish and to backlash at them and hurt them, get angry and tell them we don't agree with what they are saying - that it's absurd. Emotional fits really... And consequently, I guess, the waves flow, not for everybody though, or at least not on the same levels - I guess. Like I've said before, people tend to always be selfish - which is sadly something that comes naturally to us all. And the pointing of the finger, and the obliviousness towards those that we care about. It's not always a bad thing, if you lie to yourself - but I guess there is only so much of that, that we can all do. And imagine that, it's in our nature to crack and to unbearably surmount the oppression - or what we see as oppression. Sad story really.. I could keep going on for hours but I think you get the idea....

    Good night dearest -
    Marcoco
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      uhmm
    i don't know how i feel about this one.
    i've read a good number of your work and this seems like you just thought of some random lines and put them all together.
    deff. not your best.
    i like the title, though.

    keep writing.

    <bleedingtears>
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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