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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Who Are We?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamer37517
    ASL Info:    25/F/Bama
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 161/149/49
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1120
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 709



    Description:
       How is it so far? Any good or pure shiz??
    If its okay, I think I want to add more, but I dont want to work on something that is crap to begin with. So what do you think?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWho Are We?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    We are the quiet ones,
    We do not talk that much.
    You cant hear our whispers,
    You cant feel our touch.

    You will mostly forget us,
    You will not be hindered.
    We make no big impacts,
    We wont be remembered,

    When our world is going good,
    When theres no way to disguise,
    You see our bright smile,
    You see sparkles in our eyes.

    When our world is going bad,
    When we live a burning hell,
    We wont burden it with you,
    We will hide it all too well.

    You will see us in background,
    But you will not be affected.
    We are the forgotten ones,
    We are the rejected.




    Submitted on 2006-12-17 01:29:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ashley:
    I love the way you seperated the characters clealry into two groups. Makes the poem seem like a emotional statement and a battle. If you want to add-on, there could be something at the end that explains why you feel so seperated.
    ~Mykquillion
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by Mykquillion | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your poem. It has a unique style. The flow is just fine. You are using some simple words to describe the feelings.

    I would like to tell you one thing! A society is made by us and not the other way round. If the so called "society" is not accepting you then make your own one.

    For the world you are just someone, for someone you are the world.


    On the whole it was a nice and meaningful poem
    With love sanam
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I was really excited reading it because I thought it was an original poem but at the end it was dissapointing because I would of liked a more specific explination of who we/societies rejected are.
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by Exodus Night Sky | [ Reply to This ]
      not bad...
    | Posted on 2007-01-02 00:00:00 | by psyko | [ Reply to This ]
      not bad...
    | Posted on 2007-01-02 00:00:00 | by psyko | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    129064

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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