[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Who Are We?dots

    Author: dreamer37517
    ASL Info:    25/F/Bama
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 161/149/49
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 890
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 709

       How is it so far? Any good or pure shiz??
    If its okay, I think I want to add more, but I dont want to work on something that is crap to begin with. So what do you think?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWho Are We?dots

    We are the quiet ones,
    We do not talk that much.
    You cant hear our whispers,
    You cant feel our touch.

    You will mostly forget us,
    You will not be hindered.
    We make no big impacts,
    We wont be remembered,

    When our world is going good,
    When theres no way to disguise,
    You see our bright smile,
    You see sparkles in our eyes.

    When our world is going bad,
    When we live a burning hell,
    We wont burden it with you,
    We will hide it all too well.

    You will see us in background,
    But you will not be affected.
    We are the forgotten ones,
    We are the rejected.

    Submitted on 2006-12-17 01:29:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    I love the way you seperated the characters clealry into two groups. Makes the poem seem like a emotional statement and a battle. If you want to add-on, there could be something at the end that explains why you feel so seperated.
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by Mykquillion | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your poem. It has a unique style. The flow is just fine. You are using some simple words to describe the feelings.

    I would like to tell you one thing! A society is made by us and not the other way round. If the so called "society" is not accepting you then make your own one.

    For the world you are just someone, for someone you are the world.

    On the whole it was a nice and meaningful poem
    With love sanam
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I was really excited reading it because I thought it was an original poem but at the end it was dissapointing because I would of liked a more specific explination of who we/societies rejected are.
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by Exodus Night Sky | [ Reply to This ]
      not bad...
    | Posted on 2007-01-02 00:00:00 | by psyko | [ Reply to This ]
      not bad...
    | Posted on 2007-01-02 00:00:00 | by psyko | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Records I written by Raphael
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    prison written by ShyOne
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Carry written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]