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This is not a love poem


Author: creativeentity
ASL Info:    19/f/va
Elite Ratio:    7.74 - 43 /37 /14
Words: 104
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1387
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 676



Description:


I heard the first line in my head...and then wondered where it would lead.


This is not a love poem



This is not a love poem, my love,
but the oak that grows
tapping branches on your window.

This is not a love poem, my love,
weathered limbs remember the first bloom
you witnessed every spring.

This is not a love poem, my love,
the blossoms were not roses
but paltry flowers almost eaten.

This is not a love poem, my love,
as the after thought of petals
now lingers upon gnarled roots.

This is not a love poem,
for you cannot find love
within my trampled womb.




Submitted on 2006-12-17 11:58:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Impressive, even if not complex or extensive. There’s a lot of subtlety here, more like an old soul than a teenager. The writing is simple, but the use of language has many overtones. The first stanza is about branches tapping at a window; the second about branches (limbs) and blooms; the third about blooms also; the next about the petals of the blooms and also roots; the last about womb – which has metaphor with both window (an opening) and root (a source).
I don’t know if you intended all this as a logical structure, or if this is onlyu the product of your unconscious. Either way, it is deep writing.
fred
| Posted on 2007-04-27 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, that was incredible. I disliked the part about the trampled womb but I get it. Still, very nice. I read the description and wondered myself where it would go. You took it away from the cheesey realm of love poetry, and beautifully described the nature relationships. Someday we all stop baring fruit, and so forth. At least that's what I got out of it. Beautiful imagery.
| Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by dawnschild | [ Reply to This ]


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