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    dots Submission Name: Jester's Jokedots

    Author: Twice
    Elite Ratio:    4 - 71/82/52
    Words: 36
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 922
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 305


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    dotsJester's Jokedots

    black bones
    burning pits
    slow sounds
    gold crowns
    of the
    King's jester
    a dance
    primal poke
    a move
    too far
    in the eyes
    his majesty.

    Submitted on 2006-12-17 15:13:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think your intentions was for it to be very systematic because it fit into your overall rhyme scheme. I couldn't read it in any different way, or rather, a smoother way, because it's just not meant to be set as such. The rhyme was interesting, but perhaps too straightforward. I, personally, enjoy enveloping rhyme into the poetry so subtlely that you cannot tell that it isn't there; however, with subtlety comes smoothness, and so I could be completely irrelevant. I enjoyed the writing and what it represented, from beginning to end. The closest imagery is obviously a court jester pushing his limits on entertainment and consequently issues a foreshadowing of much institutionalization of the unfortunate clown. Heh, in a few words, I was not disappointed.
    | Posted on 2007-02-02 00:00:00 | by Dolor | [ Reply to This ]
      You have done an excellent job of spinning rhyme. Sometimes sounds and that wave of matching words and such is enough. I must admit that for what you have done well portraying a jester's end in a pleasing manner, but I see nothing beyond this but pleasing rhyme.
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

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