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    dots Submission Name: A colourless tomorrowdots

    Author: atonement
    Elite Ratio:    2.71 - 106/186/98
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 635
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 665


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA colourless tomorrowdots

    These cold black nights,
    they always seem to get to me,
    and although I twist these sheets,
    and contort them to my body,
    I still feel naked.

    And everything seems
    to be so goddamn grey,
    not just these heartless skies.

    The motel's grand piano
    keys are out of tune,
    but I keep on playing
    out my sorrows,
    and wishing for a
    colourless tomorrow.

    I sit clotheless on this rooftop
    of this empty house,
    the fog carassing my pale skin.
    I let out a hollow cry,
    and wait for morning's come.

    Submitted on 2006-12-17 21:05:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the nature of the first stanza and how inspite of all attempts to feel "embraced" (cared for [?]) that longing is still unobtainable.

    I like the sense of being under the sheets and trying to view the world through the opagueness of the material - this was a great metaphor....

    "And everything seems
    to be so goddamn grey,
    not just these heartless skies."

    It's at this point that the transition in the poem becomes disconnected and I find that the established scene and atmosphere from the first two stanza's are now redundant and I'm taken to a new place, the motel.

    I like the significence of the keys being out of tune as if they're integral assets of this moment desrcibing a specific attachment to the depression of this moment. "A colourless tomorrow" seems like a resignation more than a wish?

    The last part involves another transition and I'm struggling to understand the association of it.

    I do like this work, don't get me wrong but woud like to better understand the continuity of the piece if you wouldn't mind sharing. If it's personal and you'd rather not I completely understand.
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by danativ | [ Reply to This ]
      I get a stong sence of vunerabillity from the nakedness. With the sheets and caress of the fog... I see a lost love perhaps or something wrong springing from lust? If everything is grey... Why do you wish for a coulorless tommorow? It is a very poignat piece that I enjoyed immensely.
    | Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]

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