whispers by eowyn

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Submission Name: whispers dots

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Author:	eowyn
ASL Info:	18/f/australia
Elite Ratio:	5.47 - 227/153/76
Words:	101

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	243
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	662

Description:
i thought i was going crazy. the doctors tell me im not the only one.

whispers dots

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Whispers in the Dark Place
whispering in the night.
Tiny little voices
niggling at my mind,
telling little stories.
Haunting me all the time.
Won’t leave me alone to sleep
but can’t let me move on
until I give into their will.
Tiny little voices telling little stories
of how it’s going to be,
biting me for resisting.
My soul is being eaten
and I can't fight back.
Tiny little voices eating at my mind
telling me it’s going to be alright.
Tiny little voices go to sleep sometimes
but then it’s all to quiet
and I start to scream.

Submitted on 2006-12-17 22:16:25 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
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||| Comments |||
  I can relate to having thoughts, ideas and other things nag at my mind and yet when they leave, i can't stand the empty abyss that seems to be there.

However i have actually come to find, through my pursiut of philosophy and other things, that it doesn't nessicarily have to be like that. though it would have been hard for me to imagine before, there are ways to achieve peace of mind and enjoy the silence.

I really like your use of "whispers" and the idea of them feeding on your soul to convey your meaning in this poem. I like it and it seems like something a lot of different people can relate to in a personal way.
| Posted on 2007-01-20 00:00:00 | by nomad knight | [ Reply to This ]
  Maybe it's because I'm a writer, and I know you're a writer, but I thought of the voices as the dozens of story ideas I always get. They're not always fully developed, but they're always begging to be written and won't leave me alone. Then, when they leave, I get frustrated and depressed because there aren't any ideas (whether I use them or not). I like what I read in it, so don't tell me if you meant something different. (jk, lol)
| Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by HaldirLives | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a familiar situation to me; --those thoughts that keep you awake until you are exhausted, --but when your mind is finally blank you still ca't sleep.

There are a few places where some editing would smooth the meter, but for the most part it is one of a bouncy hyper nature, --like those sporadic thoughts. This evokes the feeling of a maddening fitful sleep, tossing and turning.

Well done.
Silver
| Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  oh, how i wish the world works that way, that at some point the whispers will disapear and we wont be frightened at the silence. the truth is that life just gets more and more complicated as we go on and we need those voices to keep sane. But I like it, really organizes and portrays the struggle we have to deal with everyday. Good writing, honestly some word choicec could be improved though to make it flow better. keep up the good work:)
| Posted on 2006-12-17 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]

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