Description: This is for my Mum and Dads Christmas present… I don’t tell them I love them as often as I would like. So I want this to be perfect, if you read it, please comment, and rip it to bits. I want every bit of criticism and suggestion you can think of.
Thank you for you help, and merry Christmas! – bah humbug
Mum and Dad(Christmass present that needs comment) -------------------------------------------
For holding our hands when we were shy
For taking the time to tell us why
For making us believe we could
For showing us that we should
For all the times you felt too old
but played in the woods wet and cold
For throwing us in the air
and catching us because you cared
For every time we fell and you picked us up
For every car journey when we wouldn’t shut up
For every taxi ride in your car
For every time you worry where we are
For every time you lend us money
For every time you say something funny
For all the ways you show your trust
For all the love you have given us
For never uttering a word untrue
Thank you, we love you
I think this is beautiful, and it shouldn't be "perfect" as much as it should be "personal"... I think your parents are going to be really touched. If I changed anything, it would be the last line, adding "Thank you both, and we cherish you." Love is wonderful too, but "cherish" is so warm and just seems to hug you.... When someone says "I love you," it's nice, but everyone "loves" ... How many people have ever said they cherish you? How would you feel if they did?
Anyway, just my thought... I think it's a really great poem honoringr them, and I know they will love it.
God bless you. let me just say that straight off... Parents diserve much more gratification than they get. This is a great peice that is both touching and at times humerous. two things i noticed are, that air and cared do rhyme... but barely, i like to stay away from those ed verbs... but thats up to you. another thing is that to me, and i may be wrong, it seems like the last stanza would flow better if you said "thank you, and we love you" but again, thats only my opinion, and my opinion could very easily be wrong.