Silent winter morning
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Description:
Silent winter morning
It was a silent morning, Every sound trapped by snow, Sky shone with lamppost fireflies – Fugitives of parachuting glow. I fell in love, refused to admit it, Tucked the feeling behind a glass pane, Reluctant breathing of the fading shadows Dyed the pleasing intensity of my name. Into derelict lust and pigeons raiding The timid sidewalks of a winter park, I took my pledges to the vatic earth and withered In hurricanes of resurrected dust. |
Submitted on 2006-12-19 05:35:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| I like your wording on this, but i find the rhythm too choppy to even read properly. I find myself having to stop and reread each line to try to get it to flow with the next. Also themeaning feels choppy too at a second read. The second stanza for example, you go from tucking away your feelings straight to a noncommital breathing with no apparent needing or following from the previous statements. POetry is about beautiful words of which you have many here, but you also need to have a depth and meaning to them. You need to make your reader understand your message. I really can't tell what the entire story to this piece is I'm afraid | Posted on 2007-01-22 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ] | |
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