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    dots Submission Name: Strongerdots

    Author: GothamFreak
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 110/48/19
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 619
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 728

       sometimes you have no choice but to keep on smilin....

    if not for you...
    then for everybody else

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I put on my face
    to get me ready for another day

    I know it's hard to be
    someone that really isn't me
    but I try to get through it
    because the sun is shining
    even if I can't see it

    the sun is shining so bright
    even when my world is dark

    I have to be strong
    so strong
    strong for them
    strong for those whom I love

    so I put on my face
    hoping that it will get me through
    yet another day

    I put on my face
    thinking it will make me stronger

    I put on my face
    telling myself
    that when I wake up
    this nightmare
    will perish

    Submitted on 2006-12-19 17:48:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      dude. cool write. I think putting on the face will make u stronger cuz its lyke a mask u know?

    well peace out yo
    | Posted on 2006-12-21 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
      i like what youre going for and you use repitition nicely, it doesnt get old or boring, but i think your message gets muddled in the lack of form. you should consider reworking the line breaks and experiment with capitalization and punctuation to see what it can do for the clarity of the piece. as is, it reads kinda fast because the reader doesnt have anything to slow them down. read the poem aloud to yourself and listen for the places where you want the reader to stop and dwell on a word or an idea and put in a comma or experiment with other things. this is just my suggestion however, another reader may disagree completely, but you can always experiment just to see where it takes the work. good write.
    | Posted on 2006-12-19 00:00:00 | by roycureton | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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