i like what youre going for and you use repitition nicely, it doesnt get old or boring, but i think your message gets muddled in the lack of form. you should consider reworking the line breaks and experiment with capitalization and punctuation to see what it can do for the clarity of the piece. as is, it reads kinda fast because the reader doesnt have anything to slow them down. read the poem aloud to yourself and listen for the places where you want the reader to stop and dwell on a word or an idea and put in a comma or experiment with other things. this is just my suggestion however, another reader may disagree completely, but you can always experiment just to see where it takes the work. good write.