Thaluuzta; Scum of the Universe. Fyukiz & Ram by parekura

Note: This is one of my older stories. I hope my english here is goo enough for you guys.

Somewhere in space, in unknown place a dark and menacing ship; shaped like a gigantic carousel drifted onwards upon invisible wind of space…
Thaluuzta are the most dangerous species in the galaxy. Under the command of overlord Carton, they are the horror of the known… and sometimes of the unknown worlds as well. Those who heard about them from those few lucky enough survivors who managed to escape their clutch, now tremble in fear at the sight of the Thaluuztan flags as their dreaded ship appears as a shadow of encroaching doom in star systems, tearing entire planets apart, leaving behind them only death and destruction, except during those times when they aren’t that systematic or just tired.
Today it was the opposite… today they were bored.

“Are we going to make a jump today?” Overlord Carton screamed into the comm box.
“Yessir!” One of the commanders replied.
“We have to install the hyperdrivers before we will be able to make a jump at all…” Carton overheard on the local comm channel.
“Arrrgghhh!” He cursed and smacked the table with his powerful fist.
“Is there anything that works here?! Gangas! Get yourself over here! NOW!”
A short wormlike alien in a mechanic suit approached him. He raised his big milky eyes up to overlord Carton and murmured something Carton couldn’t understand.
“Ahem… Mr. Overlord Sir…” He tried to say as clearly as he could without showing the overwhelming feeling of fear that crept all over his body.
“The system we recently installed had crashed and turned all of our screens blue. It petrified the ship! This is the reason why we are drifting now… without any real ability to move –“
“Okay, I get the picture.”
“…Or jump... – Carton’s eyes shot lightnings. – for three weeks now…” Gangas said.
“You told me that this system was better than the last one! You said that this system is untouchable, uncrushable! And now you’re telling me that we are stuck here in space for three weeks now, drifting like dead carcass in space?”
“Well, yes. Sir. This is exactly what I said.”
“I wonder how come we are still breathing…”
“On that I can answer, sir!” Gangas said proudly.
“You see, I personally installed the penguin backup system in life support system just in case something like this will ever happen.”
“You did well Gangas.” Carton said and pushed the little alien aside, checking the comm for new updates.
“How goes the installation progress in technical?” A monotonic voice replied from the comm box describing the progress in their strange technical language.
“Damn technicians.” He cursed and ordered Gangas to report the updates to him.
“You speak technical, so tell me what the hell am I hearing here? I can’t stand all these technical chit-chat.” Gangas listened for a minute and said:
“The technician said that they are currently at 59% in the basic installation and going and that in mere 6 hours the ship’s system will be ready to install the new and might I say updated hyperdrivers.”
“Hmmm…” Carton thought loudly.
“Very well Gangas, you have your six hours, but remember this; I am after all a VERY BORED THALUUZTAN, and if I won’t tear a star soon, I’ll TEAR YOU INSTEAD!”

6 hours later:
“Look at this beauty! Look at these screens and the way the mouse moves so smoothly over the internet! And what a speed! I love a baby super-computer…” Overlord Carton returned to the bridge and Gangas came back to his senses.
“Is it over?” He asked impatiently.
“Yessir! It’s all over and ready to go!”
“Then go already!” Carton spat the words and Gangas sensed some tone of disappointment in his master’s voice. He guessed that maybe Carton indeed wanted to tear him instead of his daily star. Gangas grabbed the microphone and announced;
“This is not a drill, I repeat this is not by any means a drill! This is the real thing this time. We ARE going to make a jump now!” Immediately a female stewardess appeared on the Thaluuztan Bridge.
“Good day passengers of the Thaluuztan super destroyer class ship. It is a great day today as we are about to make a jump to a random star system and utterly destroy it for the mere fun of it. So, I ask you to take your seats and don’t forget to magnetically lock yourself. Remember that the last member who forgot to lock himself was never found after the immediate jump had occurred. You probably remember that he suddenly vanished, before he even could scream and his remains are probably scattered over ten different dimensions by now. Please take note that if you experience any glitches, report immediately to our technical support team. Our technical support team will be glad to help you survive the trip. If you don’t survive the trip and find yourselves suddenly drifting in the vacuum of space due to dimensional shifts; your bodies being smashed inside as your organs explode outwards, please sign now right here on this form that appears on your screens that we are not responsible for your violent deaths and that all of your personal and ancestral valuables will be transferred to T.U.D – Thaluuztan Universal Devastation effort. If there is a hull breach and you will be sucked into the outer space; experiencing similar deaths as the above, please take the last seconds of your lives to pray to whatever god or entity you believe in. Maybe they will hear you, on the other hand what’s the point and they never listen anyway, especially the Thaluuztan god Mushekarra. Actually he will find it amusing. But besides that, have a nice trip! …I’m glad that I am only a holo-program. I don’t know how I could go past these extremely violent deaths… I feel so sorry for these poor little star-tearing beings…” And the stewardess hologram disappeared with a flash. All eyes turned to overlord Carton. “Would you like the honor, sir?” Gangas asked and Carton proudly pushed him away. “Sure thing Gangas! – He smiled proudly. – Maybe this time, if I do it, less than the usual 150 casualties will suffer the extremely violent deaths our holographic stewardess described before. Like it happens every time YOU make the jump, Gangas…” Gangas rolled his eyes slowly away from his master.
“You see – Carton continued, - You have to feel the right moment, when the stars are aligned in the perfect position in order to give you the best course to a random place. And the time is now!” Carton pushed the big red button labeled ‘JUMP-NOW’ and the ship trembled ferociously for a moment and then disappeared with a flash.

The ship cast itself into the hyperspace, tearing through the fabric of space. At first moment the lifeless darkness of space turned multicolored on the other side of the frontal windowpane, then, as the ship suddenly pushed forward by immense force, everything turned into infinite colorful lines. 'What a spectacular sight.' Carton thought. 'Why, If I wasn't a Thaluuztan Overlord, bred for destroying planets on daily basis, I would have been a jump ship pilot… living in the vastness of hyperspace for the rest of my life…'
Suddenly a small object appeared in front of the ship, heading the ship’s way.
"Sir?" Gangas heard from his communication box.
"Yes? What is it?" The voice from the other side of the box was terrified.
"There is an unknown object heading our way. We are about to collide with it! We’re doomed!" the voice screamed. Gangas looked outside through the windowpane. Indeed there was an object heading this way. “…doomed…!”
"Hmm… Mr. Overlord…?"
"Yes, Gangas, what's now?" Carton asked.
"Well, I don't know how to put it, but there is an object heading our way with a high possibility of collision."
"Is it a star?! Carton's eyes glared with hope. I hope it's a star, and a worthy one of destroying, by me!"
"Sir? Gangas's voice turned serious. You know, if it's a star, then we are surely doomed, done for good, dead with no hope, finished, caput. It will pass through us like a knife through butter, like blood thirsty badass Thaluuztan through a star, though…-"
"Okay! I got the picture! Set course to avoid the object."
"It's not possible, Overlord, sir!" Another voice went out of the communication box. "Okay, who's the wise guy that just spoke?" A hand rose from the bridge.
"Good. Check this out, Gangas." Carton smiled devilishly.
"Get over here, wise guy."
"Yessir!" The officer unlocked himself from the chair and took some steps toward his master. Then, with a moment of realization he turned back and then looked around him. Everyone was silent and somebody waved him goodbye. 'Oh shit.' He managed to whisper before he disappeared from the bridge.
"This is the reason why wise guys like him will never be Overlords like me! He's probably scattered over ten dimensions by now!" He laughed. The object on the other side was close now than before.
"Sir, - Gangas said. – The wise guy was right in a way."
"Okay, Gangas, you're not a wise guy, so I'll listen. Go ahead."
"Well, as you may know laws of physics and astro-physics have no effect in hyperspace. For example, a small and seemingly meaningless object can be morphed – theoretically speaking of course, into a size of our ship or maybe even larger! Another thing is that even if we change course, because time and space are meaningless here, we may never actually move to another location and the object will continue its course of collision as if we did nothing. On the other hand, if we won't change course we might be able to survive it by passing right through it as if the object was never there! This happens… - oh well, its too complicated anyway. Sir? What do you want to do now?"
"What is the distance between us and the object?"
"500.000 kilometers and approaching, sir!"
"Wait a minute; shouldn't it already have to hit us? After all, we're flying thrice the speed of light here…"
"499.824 kilometers and closing."
"Oh, this is one of those time distortions. It's a time distortion, people! Do not worry! We're not doomed yet!"
Then the object suddenly disappeared.
"And this is, gentlemen, is a space distortion." Carton managed to say when the ship trembled ferociously and something unidentifiable crushed on the front windowpane with a powerful splash. It waved with its hand and its mouth pronounced a silent 'Hello' and something resembling to 'Hey, don't you worry; I'm fine, It happens to me all the time.' Carton glared on the thing on his windowpane and didn't understand anything.
"We are pulling out of the hyperspace, sir!" Gangas announced and the ship suddenly stopped, sending the crushed thing into the vastness of space. 'Hey! Thanks for the ride!' The thing gestured before it disappeared, and then out of the shadows a blooming star appeared. Carton's eyes opened wide with devilish grin.
"Finally…" He whispered to himself.
"Raise the flags and polish your jaws! Boring time is over; it is time to have some fun!" The immense dark and menacing carousel ship raised the horrifying Thaluuztan flags and began its course toward its next planetary victim…