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    dots Submission Name: In Memory of Christmasdots

    Author: moonlitsky
    Elite Ratio:    5.96 - 70/44/15
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 982
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 878


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    dotsIn Memory of Christmasdots

    I know of a man
    Wise and sincere
    Who walks on graves
    On the 25th of December
    To remind him that
    While hes on this earth
    That he should live life
    To fullest
    To make the most
    Of what time has given him
    Not throw it away
    Like some fools do
    His morose actions
    May seem queer to all
    But in his mind
    He is convinced
    That Christmas is not full of cheer
    But a way to end
    A year that some
    Might just have passed through
    Without appreciation
    For the days they have lived

    And so he walks
    On the graves
    To remind him that
    He is still living
    And that while his blood
    Still flows warm
    He should make the most
    Of every year to come
    For they wont be coming forever

    Submitted on 2006-12-20 21:26:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like all your work sofar I think your a good poet. you tell a good story. I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep'em coming.

    The Poor Man's Poet.
    | Posted on 2006-12-21 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting! A unique approach to life, and one that perhaps is more real than any. You have told quite a story. I liked it. Might I suggest that you eliminate some of the superfluous words in this. For instance in S1 - L5 the word "that" is not needed. So:

    S1 - L1 "of" L5 "that" L6 "he's" L7 "that" (L8 ADD "the" ) L12 "do" L14 "to all" (L17 MAKE IT "He's') L18 "that' L21 "might just" L23 (CHANGE "for' TO "of").

    S2 - L2 "the" L3 "that" (L4 MAKE IT "he's") L5 "that" L8 "to come."

    I think you'll find these small changes will enhance your poem.

    Again, I enjoyed the story and the way you wrote it. Will read more of your stuff.

    | Posted on 2006-12-21 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it,
    It's true, Cristmas is really about being thankful and what better thing to be thankful for but life.
    The holidays get so crazy that we forget what we really should appriciate.
    I don't know if I'll be walking on any graves but I will definately take a moment to give thanks for what I have.
    Thanks for the reminder,
    Twice (Will)
    | Posted on 2006-12-20 00:00:00 | by Twice | [ Reply to This ]

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