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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fear of unforgiving loss...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: redeemer
    ASL Info:    19/female/venus
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 85/93/58
    Words: 232
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 738
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1364



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFear of unforgiving loss...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You ask me why I am so afriad
    I just look at you and shake my head
    If you could only see what I see
    See all the fear I face everyday
    Fear of you, of me, of what we could mean

    If you could only walk one moment in my shoes
    You would know the weight on my shoulders
    See the lies I've told
    See people I've hurt
    See the pain in the eyes of the people I've abandoned
    Can you see the fear???

    Look deep inside of me
    Understand that if I lost you
    All of the hurt and pain I've caused the people I love
    Would have been for nothing
    And I think that it would hurt me more
    Than it could ever possibly hurt them

    I fear that God may never forgive me
    I've told to many lies
    Made too many people I love cry
    But maybe this love is worth it???
    Can you tell me
    Tell me that this is right
    Tell me everything will be alright

    Please I need to hear it
    Say it
    Just say that this is not what condemns my soul
    This is not what I will burn forever in hell for
    You will save me
    God will forgive me
    My family and friends will still love me
    And I will have everything and everyone with me
    Please...just...say it...




    Submitted on 2006-12-21 21:04:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I have to start off by saying when I first saw the title I was a bit confused but after I read I got it. Anywho you seem to do anything now and days to be with Bradley. Whether thats good or not is beyond me but right now it ain't sounding great.

    You seem to do a good job of letting out emotion in detail. (have I mentioned that before? If I have sorry). You give others who don't know who you are a good idea of who you are. . Well I better be off cause I'm too tired for commenting now.


    love,
    Brenna
    | Posted on 2006-12-26 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      i think your fears you express here are very real however i think they could be expressed in a sharper manner so that the fear is nailed into the reader... so that the reader feels the fear with you.

    i think as you keep writing and reading other peoples stuff your style will become more your own and less angst like so dont stop writing... its a good release.

    im sitting here trying to think of something to say that will help you in your writing... trying to remember what people told me when i first started the whole writing buzz but it seems forever ago now...
    i think the most important thing is to own your words... make them your slaves. stay away from cliché ideas or ideas that everyone else has written about in words that everyone else has used... strive to be unique and orriginal and find your own voice.

    above all dont give up.

    as for the content.
    its hard to balance potential loves and the rest of your world... you know when one of your friends gets a boy or girlfriend and forget you exist... thats so hard not to do really but i think that if this person makes the rest of your world hate you you gotta work out if its worth it... but thats somethng only you can decide...

    good luck with everything
    | Posted on 2006-12-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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