Draped Behind
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Description:
How would I breath in that true purpose of self worth without her.
Draped Behind
Enter now a man whose mind is a battle ground for the very last time picture the plains if you can a figment of unethical decision making a heart caged till the blood ran cold till it finally gave in a man without boundaries whose only device lies beneath the skin his skeleton's lack of shelter makes for an insidious grin I give you the firmly detached an ideal of which time and space once quarreled over but had no sense to finish before lunch how soon they forget his worth like another nourishing meal was I cast to the side because my mind never reacted the same twice when did I have my second to react to such an alteration set in the mold which I would never be able to escape from I would not become that never would I memorize this arrangement and shape my world into that which does not create I was a child given to myself and somehow factored into another life I learned this from a girl I set in motion by a word or was it a gesture given to just one or was she many the path through my shield of protection.... was through her delicate chest and diabolic wisdom a constant pain a lessening misery a beautiful girl a cancer worth missing how can I cease to be this dwindling flame of sympathy if all she has is me to care for and worship alone |
Submitted on 2006-12-21 23:12:14 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| The title of this poem prepared me for a jacket casually tossed on the back of a chair. It didn't prepare me at all for words that followed it. I really enjoyed your poem. However, there were a few places Iwhere I had to stop and and go back a few times to decipher what it was that you were talking about. "only device lies beneath the skin his skeleton's lack of shelter" These two lines argue with each other because what else is our skin if not our skelleton's shelter? You then talk about an ideal being argued over but you address the idea as a he in the same stanza. There are a few really interesting phrasings that I wasn't entirely clear about like the path "through her delicate chest". Did the central subject of the poem have to slash her open and rip her heart out? And the last stanza seems to be turned about. Throughout the poem you write about the strength of the main subject, but then you do a turn about and talk about this girl who is taking care of you. I'm curious to read this poem again once you have tightened it up a bit. I think it has the potential to be a really fantastic piece of writing. | Posted on 2006-12-26 00:00:00 | by tagit | [ Reply to This ] | The title of this poem prepared me for a jacket casually tossed on the back of a chair. It didn't prepare me at all for words that followed it. I really enjoyed your poem. However, there were a few places Iwhere I had to stop and and go back a few times to decipher what it was that you were talking about. | "only device lies beneath the skin his skeleton's lack of shelter" These two lines argue with each other because what else is our skin if not our skelleton's shelter? You then talk about an ideal being argued over but you address the idea as a he in the same stanza. There are a few really interesting phrasings that I wasn't entirely clear about like the path "through her delicate chest". Did the central subject of the poem have to slash her open and rip her heart out? And the last stanza seems to be turned about. Throughout the poem you write about the strength of the main subject, but then you do a turn about and talk about this girl who is taking care of you. I'm curious to read this poem again once you have tightened it up a bit. I think it has the potential to be a really fantastic piece of writing. | Posted on 2006-12-26 00:00:00 | by tagit | [ Reply to This ] | The title of this poem prepared me for a jacket casually tossed on the back of a chair. It didn't prepare me at all for words that followed it. I really enjoyed your poem. However, there were a few places Iwhere I had to stop and and go back a few times to decipher what it was that you were talking about. | "only device lies beneath the skin his skeleton's lack of shelter" These two lines argue with each other because what else is our skin if not our skelleton's shelter? You then talk about an ideal being argued over but you address the idea as a he in the same stanza. There are a few really interesting phrasings that I wasn't entirely clear about like the path "through her delicate chest". Did the central subject of the poem have to slash her open and rip her heart out? And the last stanza seems to be turned about. Throughout the poem you write about the strength of the main subject, but then you do a turn about and talk about this girl who is taking care of you. I'm curious to read this poem again once you have tightened it up a bit. I think it has the potential to be a really fantastic piece of writing. | Posted on 2006-12-26 00:00:00 | by tagit | [ Reply to This ] | wowzy....yes, wowzy and not wowza.lol. okay, now wowza.haha | I was a child given to myself-WOW! I learned this from a girl I set in motion-WOW! a constant pain a lessening misery a beautiful girl a cancer worth missing-WOOOOOOOOW!!! okies, so yeah, you will go over this with me, i know.lol. i love you...and well done yet again...:*) XOxoXO, me | Posted on 2006-12-22 00:00:00 | by angelfyre | [ Reply to This ] | |
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