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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lightly comes the musedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clarkie
    ASL Info:    18/F/FL
    Elite Ratio:    5.33 - 101/76/36
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 579
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 301



    Description:
       Is it normal to write poetry in the space of five minutes? Because I can think of maybe two or three poems in my entire collection that took more time than that. Meh. Anyway, again, line break suggestions.


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    dotsLightly comes the musedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lightly comes the muse
    With steps soft as feathers
    Curling and gyrating against air
    Illusive on my mindís horizons
    A mirage of smoke and mirrors
    She is no substance; no person
    The stuff of legends and cigarettes
    Fabled, transient, and dangerous




    Submitted on 2006-12-21 23:32:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A short poem but packed with a potent poetic punch (how's that?) a fine little poem about the often fickle and elusive Muse .... bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... Michael
    | Posted on 2007-01-11 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Dale. I suspect that this was maturing in the back of your mind for more than the five minutes that it took you to pen it. Its quite nicely said in fact.
    I personally disagree with him about the usefulness of typographical cuteness, at least in this case. I think your lines stand just fine as they are, and that work on linebreaks will not bring much.
    Will try to read more of your stuff when time permits,
    Best,
    PH
    | Posted on 2007-01-11 00:00:00 | by Lerlim | [ Reply to This ]
      Did it take five minutes? How long were you
    thinking before you started writing?
    I have days where the muse as it were
    has me pounding keys, and I have weeks
    I sit and stare into space. Anyway this
    poem works for me, it does beg for a
    more inspired form. Something that
    fits its airs and hints of smoky lairs
    where artists imbibe that which is not
    necessarily good for them (striving to create)
    so how about?


    Lightly comes the muse
                              With steps soft
                                        as feathers

    Curling and gyrating against ( air )

    Illusive on my mindís horizons
                   A mirage
              smoke and mirrors

    She is no substance; no person
    The stuff of cigarettes
    legends
    Fabled, transient          and          dangerous

    | Posted on 2006-12-23 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]


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