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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ode To The Amorous Autumn Raindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 681
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1406



    Description:
       i woke up today to the lovely sound of rain drops making love on my windowsill. i was thus inspired to join in the fun.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOde To The Amorous Autumn Raindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Divine nectar…
    My heart arches in anticipation
    of your immortal caresses
    as a moist virgin on the eve of her wedding.

    Honeysuckle breezes
    pillage the incorrigible black forest of my hair
    as rugged hands clench the fine marble
    of golden apple thighs trembling after climaxing.

    Thrashing wings of wine-soaked Poesy droplets
    crash into the infinitude of my chiseled features.
    These parched lips savor the cocktail
    of the vintage gray sky,
    my being intoxicated
    with the apricot aroma of intimacy.

    Over purple hills of kaleidoscopic wildflowers
    and strawberry runs,
    beneath the martyred sun,
    you whisper,
    as a crescendo from a caroling Stradivarius
    yielding to an oboe’s solitary opalescent note.

    I am drenched…
    Consumed by the breath of your mouth.
    My sculpted bare chest heaves heavy with passion,
    my thick muscular arms dripping
    like mighty sequoia branches after the storm.
    The subtle leaves of my scarlet soul
    are strewn like pearls over the rich soil
    of the wilderness floor
    in expectancy of resurrection.

    Enraptured I succumb to your loves
    collapsing within the firm embrace
    of the amorous Autumn rain.




    Submitted on 2006-12-22 15:33:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      you have great talent i am really shocked..a lot of people suck on this website and it is really hard to find a good true poet..most of your poems i dont understand because there filled with big words and mystery but this one i felt..i really enjoyed it, it was just beautiful. full of tender emotions putting in ecstacy. great writer
    | Posted on 2007-02-14 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      JP...I am SHOCKED! Such outright sexuality! Awesome work, my friend. A fave.
    | Posted on 2006-12-26 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      "Clenching", "savoring" and "yielding"--I'd consider dropping these to "clench", "savor" and "yields" to make them more 'active', for want of a better term.

    The language is rich and succulent here, a pastiche of longing and observations on nature fused together lovingly. I used to have a fetish for dancing in the rain a few years back, and sometimes I still think of going outside while it's pouring down, and dancing in it. I'm not sure why but I do lol.

    I have one more nitpick: some periods in this I feel could be replaced by commas so that's it's not such an abrupt transition. Examples:
    "of the vintage gray sky. <---here.
    My being intoxicated"
    --and--
    "My sculpted bare chest heaves heavy with passion. <---here.
    My thick muscular arms are dripping
    like mighty sequoia branches after the storm."
    --Your call, of course, but something to think about if you ever tweak this.

    But, as I've said, opulent language, fit for the inherent divinity of nature.

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-12-24 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      Over purple hills of kaleidoscopic wildflowers
    and strawberry runs,
    beneath the martyred sun,
    you whisper,
    as a crescendo from a caroling Stradivarius
    yielding to an oboe’s solitary opalescent note.

    I am drenched…
    Consumed by the breath of your mouth.
    My sculpted bare chest heaves heavy with passion.
    My thick muscular arms are dripping
    like mighty sequoia branches after the storm.
    The subtle leaves of my scarlet soul
    are strewn like pearls over the rich soil
    of the wilderness floor
    in expectancy of resurrection.



    Well, Reverend, if this is a religious write, it owes more to the Song of Solomon than to any of the more spiritual books of the Bible. There is quite an erotic undertone (at times almost auto-erotic) in the description of the effect direct stimulation has on the higher thought processes when they are completely surrendered to pleasure. Most people don't respond to rain this way, J.P., so I assume some young lady crossed your mind as this poem was being written (either that or you've personified rain as an object of desire/passion/sexual arousal). Dulcinea certainly plays a large part in your work.

    Very nice, J.P.
    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-12-22 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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