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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Self Describing Mirrordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: siroez
    ASL Info:    22/Male/WV
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 68/67/32
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 157
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 617



    Description:
       Current true day scenerio.

    As I always say, dont nag. Be mature in the comments. Give constructive criticism. Be Postive. And keep writing!


    NOW FIXED!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Self Describing Mirrordots
    -------------------------------------------


    A Self Describing Mirror

    These stones these bruises descibe this body more so then ever, but mostly they remove the purity that could have been what I could have become. When I look into this mirror, it spells out the reasons why. Hundreds of them, staring back at me through my own eyes. It comes down to acceptance. Acceptance for what it is that Ive become, and when you realize that you can do nothing for a history of shame and guilt, the only way to survive is to strive on the waste around you. I must not fall under, I must pass through this delusion, and continue, else my future will be lost.




    Submitted on 2006-12-23 00:37:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh,my,GOOD GOD!!

    You are wonderful.

    ANd I love you for it ...well,your writing,I mean.

    It's very difficult for me to be mature at this moment. I enjoy your work too much.IT BLOWS MY MIND.

    Your freewrites (as I call them) are amazing.
    Your poetry...I haven't read that much of yet.

    I understand about the mirror.
    I really do.
    Sometimes,you have to accept and go on to live or esle fall into a river of depressing torture and memories.
    The thing about bruises.Are you saying that they kinda give you...umm...idk...character,perhaps??
    I tend to see these bruises as figurative, not literally.
    Hopefully.

    Well,my headache combined with your awesomeness is killing any rational thought left in my brain.Thank you.

    lol I really do love this piece. <222
    | Posted on 2008-10-07 00:00:00 | by LRRolins | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Siroez...

    I like the general feeling if this piece, and I can see where you want to go, but you have some grammatical errors that at least distracts me. Fx. in line 3 you use 3. person 's' twice in the same part of the sentence, 'selfs' and 'spells'. When you put the 's' on 'spells', it transfers to the words attached to it, without you having to write it.
    In line 5 you've forgotten the apostrophe in "Ive".
    In the second to last line, you write 'fall under' which is not a phrase that is used in english, using only 'fall' would give approximately the same meaning.
    There may be more than this, but I was not sure how comfortable you would be with me trying to find more, as you only asked for a unbiased review.
    I really do like this piece, though, you just need to work a little more on th grammatical side of things.
    Good job, and keep on writing.

    Take Care,
    -Natalia
    | Posted on 2006-12-23 00:00:00 | by Natalia Petro | [ Reply to This ]



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