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Author: BleedingTears
ASL Info:    16/f/Neverland
Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 418 /289 /62
Words: 92
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1495
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 591


ok, i had to write this for my english class and it had to rhyme.
so in the end,i looked at it and liked it.
i hope you do too.
i'll accept any kinds of comments.


I looked to the sky to see what was lost.
To see the white dove in the sky.
Not bright enough to know what I let go of.
But bright enough to not watch it die.
I break listening to bird's songs of sorrow
Waiting for them to end, waiting for tomorrow.
No one noticed before, every single day,
That everything that passes,
Is slowly decaying away.
When everything turns to ashes,
We won't notice it in the air.
Although we continue inhaling,
Lungs are screaming in despair.
Such a sad Tragedy.

Submitted on 2006-12-23 13:04:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Nice, it has a good message. At first I didn't get the rhyme scheme but it got better and developed a nice rythm to it. The line "I break when listening to birds song of sorrow" really got to me and it just got better from there.
| Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by 7makaveli | [ Reply to This ]
  i like the flow and how well you painted the picture so to speak. this is yet again different from most of your other pieces but i still love it. i liked this line the best:

No one noticed before, every single day,
That everything that passes,
Is slowly decaying away.

i dont know what it is about this line but it just spoke to me and it stayed with me throughout the rest of the piece. keep up the good work.
| Posted on 2007-01-14 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]
  The imagery was good and I liked the flow, but this is just not my type of poem. Not to sure why it just didn't hit me as others do.
| Posted on 2006-12-23 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought of this as something of a diary entry of a homeless girl...but I see her world as a white and forzen country, yet to her it's always a burning flame.
I was listening to Coma White by Marilyn Manson while reading just seemed to fit into the theme and all of the imagery that came to mind for me. This kind of downward spiral of someone's mind or life that the person cannot control...the dove thing at the beginning symbolizes purity to me...I found this ironic because of the tragedy that goes on throughout the rest of the poem. Then you say that it is not bright enough to know what you let go of. Purity and ignorance...maybethings would be much cleaner or better if we didn't know all that we know. Intelligence can sometimes be really messy.

| Posted on 2006-12-23 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like the immagery in this. I love how you repeat the image of the birds. my favourite part is
"Not bright enough to know what I let go of.
But bright enough to not watch it die."

Keep up the kickass work!

| Posted on 2006-12-23 00:00:00 | by atonement | [ Reply to This ]

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