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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Real Me(plez leave fedback)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: fallen_angel90
    ASL Info:    17/f/Ill
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 10/15/20
    Words: 253
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1535



    Description:
       Things have been pretty tough latley, and I've really been hurting. Everynight I usually can't sleep becouse I'm hurting so bad but then when I get up in the morning I slap this fake smile on my face and pretend I'm okay. I've always been the strong one outta my friends and so I guess I don't want to let them down. And my moms got enough to worry about. You'd think just a simple smile would be easy enough but it's so hard for me to keep up with the act and not break down. Holding how I feel back from everyone just makes me hurt worse becouse I'm doing this alone. But through out it all I smile.So writing is pretty much my only release...


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    dotsThe Real Me(plez leave fedback)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I take my pencil with me
    wherever I may go
    I take my pencil with me
    so they real me doesn’t show

    I erase the sadness from my eyes and add a little sparkle
    That way no one else can see
    my soul drowning in sorrow

    Then I take my time
    to erase the bags under each eye
    for they'll never get the satisfaction
    of knowing because of them each night I cry

    Now the most important part
    I began a beautiful smile
    I carefully shape the lips
    as if they're suggesting
    I've got the world balanced out
    on my finger tips

    There's no way I'll ever let them see
    that past this sea of lies I've made
    I really do hurt, and I'm really afraid
    and even though I pretend not to care
    It simply breaks my heart
    every time I reach for a friend
    just to discover again and again
    there's not a soul around
    to help my broken heart mend

    But never will I let them see the pain that weighs me down
    never will I let a tear seep
    I must make them think
    I'm too strong to weep

    So I take my pencil with me
    where ever I may go
    I take my pencil with me
    so the real me doesn’t show
    And whenever I feel insecure
    I take my pencil out
    and with it I bury the truth about me deep inside
    and behind this art I shamefully hide




    Submitted on 2006-12-24 03:03:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this, it is a very relatable idea and I like how you talked about carrying your pencil and then you used phrases like erasing the bags and drawing a smile. There are a few typos that kind of take away from the reading, and the third and fourth lines of the third stanza read a little awkward. Overall good write, I would have liked it if you used the pencil idea to create more metaphors and stuff, but that's just me.
    ~bkj
    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by bkj43 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...i feel exactly the same a lot of the time. i'm always the one everyone depends on to be smiling and cheerful when in reality i have so much burried in my soul that i just want to curl up away from the world forever....i liked this poem tho. there were a few little typos you might consider fixing, but other than that i thought it was great. i liked the repeated stanza at the end. nice effect to tie it all back to itself. good job! and i'm sorry you feel that way.
    | Posted on 2006-12-26 00:00:00 | by musicandbeauty | [ Reply to This ]


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