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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It should've been beautifuldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: musicandbeauty
    ASL Info:    18/f/ks
    Elite Ratio:    1.99 - 2/5/15
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 788
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 955



    Description:
       Another one inspired by recent happenings. Please let me know what you think needs work, and what is good about it :) thanks!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt should've been beautifuldots
    -------------------------------------------


    It could have been all we ever needed
    late night talks that last until two
    silly moments shared with me and you
    deeper beauty
    true meaning
    sweating, tingling
    smiling, winking
    It should have been beautiful.

    but it fell apart
    darker clouds
    bigger obstacles
    crying, hugging
    hoping, waiting
    I wish I didn't crave you

    I may never get over you
    happiness lost
    drowning in thoughts
    of you
    only you
    we could've been happy
    so happy

    I wish I didn't crave you
    only you
    wish you weren't my only desire
    you made sense
    of all the things that made no sense
    I made sense because of you

    I'll never forget you
    I'll never forgive you
    we could've been happy
    it should've been beautiful




    Submitted on 2006-12-25 23:27:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Kenzie:
    Congrats, you made my favorites and my stalk list just from this poem.
    It's really really really really good.
    I have often felt this way over someone that would not really give "us" a chance.
    Honestly, the only thing that I would about changing, is thinking about putting commas or periods at the end of some of the lines to seperate thoughts and force the reader to pause at the points that you want them to pause at.
    Seriously, maybe switch a word or two, but please don't change anything major without really thinking, because it is really an awesome piece.
    I hope men don't make you feel that way, there are some good ones.

    Best of luck, keep writing with this passion.

    Love,
    ~~Mykquillion
    | Posted on 2007-01-24 00:00:00 | by Mykquillion | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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