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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Plasticdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lil J
    ASL Info:    22/F
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 40/29/38
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Depressed
    Total Views: 165
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 738



    Description:
       again, random... thinking entirely too much about the one i'll never have...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlasticdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm trying my hardest to tell you
    Love can come in all forms
    Just because you don't see it right away
    Doesn't mean it's not there

    She could be five foot two with plenty to say
    An attitude, a contagious laugh,
    Long brown hair and pain-filled eyes
    That masks heartbreak with sarcasm

    And you're missing her-
    Looking everywhere but right in front of you
    Doesn't look plastic- like a barbie doll
    But that means her feelings, too, are real

    As you turn your back to this girl
    And give your heart to another
    Remember hers is the one in the palm of your hand
    Tears mixing with yours




    Submitted on 2006-12-27 01:43:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with dash about the giving, it sounds better with give. I understand what it is like, and im sure many others do. Not to sound cliché` but if he doesn't notice you, why want him? I mean if you ever have the chance, will he be "real" with you, and listen to you? Just things to think about.

    When you find someone who is into you, they are much more attractive anyway. Not saying in looks necesarily but as a person, their truly beautiful.

    Very real poem. Best I have read in a while
    : )
    | Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]
      change the five foot two to five foot eight, and i think you just wrote my life, hah.

    i really like your writing style, and how its REAL, and hits home a lot.

    the only lil thing i have to say critique wise, is the

    "As you turn your back to this girl
    And giving your heart to another"

    doesn't sound right to me...the word "giving" specifically. but thats a tiiiny detail.

    so good job
    | Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by dash | [ Reply to This ]
      i agrre about chnaging giving to give. and also don't waste time on someone who doesn't see what is REALLY in front of him. the poem was nice and brought back that slight feeling of inadequacy we all feel at times like that...thanks for that. keep up the work...oh it would be nice if you played with some stronger diction to make the poem seem more solid, toutchable, real instead of soft like it reads now.
    | Posted on 2006-12-28 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]



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