This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

By the Sea

Author: Jan
ASL Info:    19/female/PA
Elite Ratio:    4 - 227 /251 /39
Words: 42
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1115
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 393


just some keywords that stand out when you write as a landlubber : )

By the Sea

Rocking, swaying
Rolling, sailing
Fingers clenching
on the railing
Salty, spraying
Ocean breezes
Buccaneers boozing
Treasure pleases

Mapping, steering
Ropes and mast
"Land a hoay!"
and cannon blast
Boots and buckles
Rum and ration
Life by the sea
A pirate's passion

Submitted on 2006-12-27 20:03:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  let me say first that i enjoyed reading this. i liked the imagery and appreciated all the descriptiveness. this piece was definitely a fun read. very clever.

keep on writing,
| Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by moonlitsky | [ Reply to This ]
  very enjoyable! i am planning on going to a merchant marine academy where if i attend i must learn to sail and go aboard ships and spend up to six months at sea at a time....i've never been on a boat! or a ship! much less a dingy - so seasickness ahoy! very nice and well written too.
| Posted on 2006-12-28 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
  Very good indeed.You can really feel the sense of the sea from your imagery and the rhyming is very nice.I particularly like the <Fingers clenching on the railing> part.I suppose it's a bit random vocabulary-wise but that's poetic license for ya! Short and sweet.Lovely work.
| Posted on 2006-12-28 00:00:00 | by Asakura Cowboy | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a very good use of imagery. The rhyming scheme is the only criticism I can see. When you started the second stanza with another "ing" word, the pattern broke throughout the rest of that stanza (as compared to your first stanza.)

Otherwise, I found it refreshing and salty.
| Posted on 2006-12-28 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?