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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I've gotta miss youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 645
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 725



    Description:
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    dotsI've gotta miss youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I told myself
    before it all began
    Sooner or later
    we'll stop holding hands

    we'll stop stayin up late at night
    someday turn off all the lights of love

    I told myself
    to keep composure
    as of right now
    Im not really sure why

    we'll stop being one together
    someday is gone forever

    I've gotta miss you
    and I cant want you back
    I've gotta no cry
    hold all of my tears back
    I've gotta to fall asleep
    no more having the lack of it
    I've gotta miss you
    without going back to you


    to be continued.....





    Submitted on 2006-12-28 11:28:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think it would be easier to 'sing trough it' if you would put some genre information to it - and maybe some tempo notings. I think its supposed to be kinda slowgoing sang on a clear strong voice with loads of pitch changes. But one cant be sure unless one is given some sort of direction for.
    Otherwise its flowing quite nicely as love lyrics should and on the other hand they are more like hmm, should i say missing someone or afraiding.
    Some lines are really strong in emotion as:
    "we'll stop stayin up late at night
    someday turn off all the lights of love"
    and they really capture the reader or listener. And in someways i felt hurt as there are some - well kinda 'scary' points to be honest. Scary for relationship and love.

    So if you wanna improve it in anyways - i suggest you tell the reader or 'listener' what kinda music it is, and maybe add some sidenotatins into it.

    Anyways nice little lyricstart there, hope oneday you will post the full version of it. Maybe something that brings some sort of conclusion but leaves lots of holes for 'listener' to contact it with his/her own life and experiences. ( pretty much as you have done already ). Hope this helps! :)

    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by Rainmaker | [ Reply to This ]


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