Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: night beachdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 551
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 846



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsnight beachdots
    -------------------------------------------


    deep in the night forest
    i discovered the empty mind
    settled so like a dove or an urn
    against the breast of an army

    i saddled the empty
    graved the mountain while i sunk
    so many skys would wonder
    across my cheek
    before i reached the beginning

    and before me arose
    like giant particles a storm
    a lavish dream that showed me nothing
    angels a flow of hurricane and an eye

    all around like seashells they gathered
    only stones turned a many
    like my feet became the ocean
    and my burning hair the star

    there were seconds inside these
    beneath the sand and skin
    unbuttoning the blood from my hip
    and dialing the ground like a flood

    i wash but the beast is everything




    Submitted on 2006-12-28 13:27:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm going to keep this short, cos I'm a little tired and there's a rather large spider crawling up my socks.
    Once again I behold the beauty of the words you weave into your prose.
    This work (as most of yours I've read) is charged full of imagery. Not only that, it's also really thought provoking, which as we know is rare :P
    You challenge quite a bit of conventional thinking, and especially are able to conjure up fascinating pictures such as those in "settled so like a dove or an urn/
    against the breast of an army", "giant particles a storm/
    a lavish dream that showed me nothing/
    angels a flow of hurricane and an eye"

    My favourite stanza (I liked too many lines) would be this one

    "all around like seashells they gathered
    only stones turned a many
    like my feet became the ocean
    and my burning hair the star"


    I love all images to do with the ocean, or the sky, and you've done it justice enough here.

    As always, your endings are terrific. This one serves no different, and you do have a pretty good man/beast under theme going. Try science fiction poetry one day :D
    Cheers
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2006-12-29 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      it's amazing. I must truly say that you have moved me with this poem. the form and the originality of your writing is a breath of extremely fresh air. this poem demonstrates your genuine potential to be a great writer. thank you so much for sharing!
    ali
    | Posted on 2006-12-28 00:00:00 | by Ali Marie | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    130249

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    You read free written by poetotoe
    prison written by ShyOne
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Fasade written by jackz
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry