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    dots Submission Name: night beachdots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 527
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 846


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    dotsnight beachdots

    deep in the night forest
    i discovered the empty mind
    settled so like a dove or an urn
    against the breast of an army

    i saddled the empty
    graved the mountain while i sunk
    so many skys would wonder
    across my cheek
    before i reached the beginning

    and before me arose
    like giant particles a storm
    a lavish dream that showed me nothing
    angels a flow of hurricane and an eye

    all around like seashells they gathered
    only stones turned a many
    like my feet became the ocean
    and my burning hair the star

    there were seconds inside these
    beneath the sand and skin
    unbuttoning the blood from my hip
    and dialing the ground like a flood

    i wash but the beast is everything

    Submitted on 2006-12-28 13:27:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm going to keep this short, cos I'm a little tired and there's a rather large spider crawling up my socks.
    Once again I behold the beauty of the words you weave into your prose.
    This work (as most of yours I've read) is charged full of imagery. Not only that, it's also really thought provoking, which as we know is rare :P
    You challenge quite a bit of conventional thinking, and especially are able to conjure up fascinating pictures such as those in "settled so like a dove or an urn/
    against the breast of an army", "giant particles a storm/
    a lavish dream that showed me nothing/
    angels a flow of hurricane and an eye"

    My favourite stanza (I liked too many lines) would be this one

    "all around like seashells they gathered
    only stones turned a many
    like my feet became the ocean
    and my burning hair the star"

    I love all images to do with the ocean, or the sky, and you've done it justice enough here.

    As always, your endings are terrific. This one serves no different, and you do have a pretty good man/beast under theme going. Try science fiction poetry one day :D
    | Posted on 2006-12-29 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      it's amazing. I must truly say that you have moved me with this poem. the form and the originality of your writing is a breath of extremely fresh air. this poem demonstrates your genuine potential to be a great writer. thank you so much for sharing!
    | Posted on 2006-12-28 00:00:00 | by Ali Marie | [ Reply to This ]

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