I liked "like a breeze of fresh sweet scents"...Although I felt "scent" would've worked better.
I thought "Opening your nose to a wide extent" sounded bad, you need a different line here.
I quite liked "Who just cured you from struggle"...However this is a mixed metaphor, as u can cure a disease, but you can't really "cure" someone from "struggle".
"Like a helpful flush of kindheartedness" - ditto.
I'm not saying these lines are terrible, but I think they could do with reworking.
The other thing I noticed was that u did use some clichés: "brightning your day"; "the young woman's heart" and, most noticably, "taking such a big burden off your shoulders". I think if you used a metaphor of your own in that line, it could be a good line.
In conclusion, I would say this piece does show potential, but u need to work on your metaphors and grammar.
I hope my reviews hven't been too harsh, but I'm genuinely trying to give u useful feedback.
I have to say the description confused me. I was expecting a very different sort of poem. Maybe that's a good thing because it meant I had to dig deeper to try and find the meaning. (I'm still probably incredibly off.)
...So...flowers...does the flower's scent deceive the bee?
Or how about that young woman, suddenly forced to carry someone else's burden on her shoulders? Was that her decision? Or is it the narrator who's the antagonist, forcing young woman to carry their burdens? Maybe there's an ironic tone here?
All right, I'm stumped.
Still, even if this poem is beyond my humble cranial capacities it is enough to say that it was well written and thoroughly enjoyed.