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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forgotten Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WriterX
    ASL Info:    18/Male/Poland
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 68/126/83
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1019
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 966



    Description:
       Some of you know that dreams are sometimes ideas for a writer. That is why I wrote this, a poem on ideas which were lost and came from your dreams.

    Tricky when you think about it, I usually forget my dreams immediatly after I wake up.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgotten Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A forgotten piece of Art.
    Forged in your dreams,
    Built up in your sleep,
    But in the morning gone.

    Recollection will not help,
    You burned it,
    In the rays
    Of the rising sun.

    Your fingers,
    Covered in grease and oil,
    Cannot grip the solid form
    Of the gaseous construct.

    Still though,
    As if you were immortal,
    You think on it,
    Trying to summon it back.

    Will it be the same?
    The masterpiece
    Of which you have dreamt
    Unwillingly?

    Or some fierce beast,
    Changed and mutated,
    Since body goes to ash,
    But can ash do the same?

    For future purpose,
    A large stone block,
    And masonry’s tools,
    Wait beside your bed.

    In case it will return,
    The hunting, the dream,
    So that this time
    It will not escape.




    Submitted on 2006-12-29 18:06:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Just like the other two, I also enjoyed reading this. I like how you describe the feeling of elation on having the idea, then the sudden drop in the stomach as you realize that the idea is no longer there. I also like how you describe when you try to force your mind to remember what the idea was, it comes out in a sickly gray shade that's deformed.

    Recollection will not help,
    You burned it,
    In the rays
    Of the rising sun.

    I think that this stanza may sound better if you said:

    Recollection will not help;
    It burned,
    In the rays
    Of the rising sun.

    Setting it up like this makes it sound more as if it were unwillingly burned up, instead of you willingly burning it. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2007-04-23 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this write; I am intrigued in the way you tell of how wonderful and real dreams can be: I have also tried to keep a dream journal of sorts, but have failed miserably. However, perhaps twice, I have turned certain powerful dreams into poetic renderings of what I remember. Dreams can be extremely powerful... there was a time I went for when I would wake up extremely angry punching my walls because of the mood the dreram had put me into. Actually, being awakened during the deepest mode of sleep can cause a day of drowsiness and slightly altered state of consciousness. However, I've gotten far too off topic; I apologize.

    I enjoyed it very much.
    -Lucy
    | Posted on 2006-12-30 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty cool. I like the main, its how I feel all the time. I get this wonderful idea for a poem, I map it out all night, but by morning, its vanished. I hope thats what you're writing about....(Unless I've totally missed the point...
    x.x)

    I think this poem could use more vivid imagery, and improved wording. You don't seem to describe a whole lot.

    "Recollection will not help,
    You burned it,
    In the rays
    Of the rising sun."

    Eh, those lines don't seem to match the rest of the poem. I don't really like them. Particularly the line "You burned it", it sounds like teenagers laughing at each other. Not exactly poetic.

    "Trying to summon it back."

    Again, this line is in need of rewording. Try omiting the word "back".

    "The masterpiece
    Of which you have dreamt
    Unwillingly?"

    Nor do I like these lines. The word "unwillingly" seems very out of place.

    "Or some fierce beast,
    Changed and mutated,
    Since body goes to ash,
    But can ash do the same?"

    I very much like these lines. Poetic, deep, mysterious, perfect in your poem. The part about the ash is a bit random, but I like it never the less.

    Thats about all I have to say. Ta ta for now!

    ~Jazzy





    | Posted on 2006-12-29 00:00:00 | by Jazzy | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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