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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bulletproofdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Liv2LoveThePain
    ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527/1515/256
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 924
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1249



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBulletproofdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I laugh, then I'm really just saying I care
    when these demons awake, sticking glass to your hair.
    It's a place in black woods where the angels won't go.
    I'd invite them again, but they always say no.

    If the table's too cold and the patients are gone,
    will you dance with their feet on the church's front lawn?
    Words, so cold, slice your tongue, maybe darken my lungs
    until laughter subsides and the nooses are hung.

    If I wait in the morgue; fall asleep on the floor,
    will I wake up tomorrow still asking for more?
    When the songs you adore start refusing to play,
    Resurrection will come, but it won't go away.

    If my bulletproof vest doesn't block out the sound
    of your gun on my chest, could we live underground?
    I forgot to forgive, so I'm laughing alone.
    All the corpses are loose and the numbers have grown.

    If there's no aftermath here 'cause days are the same,
    you can wear different clothes, even alter your name,
    but reflections don't lie to your black and blue eyes.
    You are still the one part of myself I despise.




    Submitted on 2006-12-29 19:23:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I've just been watching Tim Burton's Corpse Bride and the last two stanzas seem to reflect the movie to me at the moment.
    It's not the first time I read this, just though I'd come back and give it the comment it deserves.
    Because it's loverly.
    xx
    | Posted on 2007-01-06 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      oh it's brilliant. once again your work leaves me wishing that i could just take a peek into that mind of yours. it's the ghostly lines that just brush past one another in an intriquet dance. stunning metaphorical images that scream to be noticed, read and admired. and certainly the subject matter isnt clean and dry for everyone to get. but that's the opint isn't it. poetry. like painting. you do what you feel and it's up to everyone else to decide what it means to them. i love the first stanza and the line 'if my bulletproof vest doesnt block out the sound' pure music. once again an absoultly wonderful piece.
    | Posted on 2007-01-01 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the rhythm and the words. It's amazing how you put everything together..but yeah I agree with the 2 who commented before me. What's it really about? Or maybe you could just be talking about a whole lot of things...Anyway I don't think the gist is all that important in this one because you really pulled off the technical stuff...Bulletproof is a pleasure to read.
    | Posted on 2006-12-29 00:00:00 | by shatila | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good indeed.Great rhyming and rhythm.I like the whole thing but I think the final verse is my favourite and in particular the last line.The content is interesting although I have absolutely no idea what it's about! Could you perhaps shed some light on it? In this I'm in total agreement with robertbwell (above).
    Good rhyming poetry is hard to write and here you did a really good job.
    Cheers
    A.Cowboy.
    | Posted on 2006-12-29 00:00:00 | by Asakura Cowboy | [ Reply to This ]
      i Liked the imagery you used. The rhyme sceme is awsome. This is very original. However, i have no idea what it is about. I know it is probably formed from person experiences that you molded into metaphores and that it is probably not meant to be understood by anyone but you, but i would still like to know. It gets a little confusing in each stanza-almost as if there are two ideas that are not tied together. anyways, i really liked it and i don't mean to tear it apart or anything. It is very very good.
    | Posted on 2006-12-29 00:00:00 | by robertbwell | [ Reply to This ]


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