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    dots Submission Name: In those photosdots

    Author: elseibi
    ASL Info:    20/f/uk
    Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 228/180/38
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 758
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 632

       Looking back over photos i find some ofo my parents, back before the divorce. This just kinda wrote itself.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn those photosdots

    You smile in those photos,
    look so happy and serene,
    how long till you woke up,
    and found it was all a dream?

    You laugh in those photos,
    at jokes each other told,
    were they to hide the pain,
    that did suddenly unfold,

    You're looking in those photos,
    into each other's eyes,
    eyes that held such love,
    eyes that held such lies,

    You're now in differnet photos,
    living seperate lives,
    your smiles are real,
    you're happy now,
    i wish the best for both of you.

    Submitted on 2006-12-30 21:39:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Sorry about the divorce. I wasn't paying enough attention when I passed the description. Maybe I'd've commented differently if I had.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-01-14 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      "that did suddenly unfold" breaks the rhythm in its line, and different's spelled wrong in the last stanza. Otherwise, I like it. It's not really your style, but you can write depressing when you feel like it...

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-01-14 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      Lou, here's a suggestion for a different ending line ??

    "I hope your new love survives"
    | Posted on 2007-01-01 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a wonderful write, Lou! Divorce is so sad, and the hurt to all parties is tragic. You've written this so bravely and so well!!
    | Posted on 2007-01-01 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, so matter-of-fact and so ineffably sad! Wonderfully, wonderfully done!! Bravo ... Bravo ... Bravo ... Michael
    | Posted on 2006-12-31 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]

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