Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forest of Fleshdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: forevermountain
    ASL Info:    17/m/bellingham,WA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.72 - 20/17/29
    Words: 244
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 770
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1612



    Description:
       major ovehaul. the only thing left was the title. hope you find it improved.... or completely different. yep. Thanks for reading!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForest of Fleshdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lighting whispers of dawn
    brush past
    My eyelash
    This crowded tent wakes to its yawns

    Majestic and annointed my forest temple varnishes its Skies with Golden paint

    Silent pushing a voice brushes
    In the head out of ears
    Of eyes red and gleaming
    And serpents writhing up the leg

    Brushing around in the bush
    I stumble
    And grab a fist of soil
    Only to find its earthy scent
    Caustic and full of iron
    And its cool airy touch
    Cold clumping frozen red

    I crawl fearfully back to my tent

    The cry remains
    Bleeding the trees' limbs over my tent
    Shadows of bloody branches twist
    And wonder betrays my eyes

    As I watch my canvas rip
    I notice an alien shine
    Bloody knives adorn the vine
    And the branches' tips

    How sharp they are!
    How bright they gleam!
    I need a scar!
    O please cut me!

    I see you coming the deformed trunk
    Crashing falling overthrown
    Onto my tent where your bloody pulp
    Congeals and moans

    I need your knife
    O sweet tree
    Dig me out free of life
    Into the soily sea

    And farther in the canopy
    A raven caws
    Flashing its bright beak at me
    My cold pulse thaws

    I awake in my tent
    Coy, stable without stain
    But lost in lament
    For my nightmares scars still remain









    Submitted on 2006-12-31 04:05:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ^_^ oh my god where have you been, I love this poem. Sadly I am not good at the whole critique thing, unless it comes to one of my own poem >.< I have no idea why. Though I really do like your pick of words, it makes this poem really stick out. In my opinion when reading this poem it was like hiden inbetween the lines was a knife etching every word into my brain.

    Great Job ^_^

    -Ry-
    | Posted on 2007-01-12 00:00:00 | by darkeveris | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    130493

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry