[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Just Another Angst Poem?dots

    Author: Keaton Volkov
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 22/17/13
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 908
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1071


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust Another Angst Poem?dots

    15 days. 3 near-fatal sicknesses. 3 Heartbreaks.
    What is this, Julius Caesar?
    And knowing that her life is Hell doesnít make it any easier.

    Iíve seen worse, Iíve lived through worse.
    Thatís what the people say.
    So Iíll put on my happy face and say itís all ok.

    Itís not so easy being the only one whoís lived this.
    Dadís sick. Grandpaís dieing. Other Grandpaís not far off.
    And my sleep is interrupted by the quietest cough.

    She said she loved me.
    I thought so too.
    She has a boyfriend. Iím gonna be black and blue.

    This girl, sheís the one.
    She has a boyfriend as well.
    Iíll bet my lifeís what everyoneís laughing about in Hell.

    One last try.
    Thatís all I need.
    And all those lies, to me she will feed.

    And while Iím here,
    Everyoneís lives still go on.
    Thank God all my friends arenít long gone.

    Submitted on 2007-01-01 19:25:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The inspired addition of the final note about friends makes it less of a normal angst narrative. Overall I like it, though it is not themsot original thing I have seen. For the record: Hell has bigger things to think of.
    | Posted on 2007-05-14 00:00:00 | by Ignis Fatuus | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good, I like the way that at the end you made it clear that your friends were a big help to you. I really liked the form of this piece as well. Hope things get better. Great piece, keep writing.

    | Posted on 2007-05-13 00:00:00 | by S.A.M. | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    AI written by poetotoe
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    True Death written by layDsayD
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Linger written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]