Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: After due considerationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 486
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 689



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAfter due considerationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Go drink deeply the blood of first amour
    set forth to scale this precipice in awe.
    Use if you will, the art of artless
    conversation, but don’t forget the heat
    that flames inside your core, the fire ever
    throbbing hotter as you learn of guile
    and craft it to manipulate your love.

    Indeed, there is more to love than roses,
    there are so many bedroom games to play.
    The ties that bind are silken, are they not?
    And ice so cold can also make her hot.
    Her dreams are not just made of fantasy—
    they are the binding force set forth to blaze
    your name, from first we kiss to infamy…




    Submitted on 2007-01-02 01:15:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    Very well thought out and written. It held captivating words of secret passion. Does the narration change in the second half? I was just wondering because of the change in pronouns. Overall I enjoyed it very much because it is different than what i usually find here


    .
    | Posted on 2008-10-12 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      Consider Revising: L3 ‘art of artless conversation’ is uncomfortable when read aloud. Punctuation could help in this piece. For example: L5 ‘core the throb’ should be something like ‘core, the throb.’ There are a few other places when a period could had been used and the next sentence could begin with a capital letter in the first word. L10 and L11 end in a simple, one syllable rhyme. Frown.

    Praises: Your language is intense, consistent with the mood of the poem. You make frequent mention of fiery adjectives – flames, blaze, hot, heat etc., Your language is fluid. Example is my fav line, the last line. It rolls off the tongue as does L2. Smile. The poem is direct, evidence by the commanding verbs you use. L1 ‘go drink.’ This gives the speaker confidence in a subject (which I think is lovemaking) which demands confidence.

    Overall: (B-) because of the punctuation errors which can be confusing and somewhat exhaustive. However, it seems as though you hit your target well and used proper language to hit it.
    | Posted on 2007-01-02 00:00:00 | by tjsmith5 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    130643

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Giving written by jjd
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Push written by JanePlane
    Incubus written by monad
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    This written by Chelebel
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Once Again written by krs3332003

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry