Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: deathbroken
Elite Ratio:    2.54 - 57 /142 /38
Words: 121
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1023
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 823


Lonely. lonesome...
I wrote this when i was home alone, no one here, every one was out.
It's 3 am in the morning when i wrote this, i had sneaked into my brothers room to use his laptop
so i am alone
all alone


Are you gone?
gone like the wind
like the sun
like the stars?

When will you return?
in an hour?

Am i truly alone?
alone like the lonesome moon
so up high in the sky
bright and gleaming like nothing else

Yet the moon still have stars
magical little things
little planets all over the world
not the world, no, the skies

Everyone can see them
so small yet so bright
like little white dots in the pitch black sky

It is silent
oh so silent,
not a sound to be heard
only the faint hum of the fan turning.

I'm alone
alone in this house,
in this room
all alone
so alone...

Submitted on 2007-01-03 13:12:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


I liked what Joy7542 wrote, I too have been on this site for a long time, and I greatly apprechiate the fact that I can read something that stands out from the others that stay inside of your phase. You grow a diffrent potential inside of your poems, and they rather have more life than most, and because of this I can relate to you closer than others. You did such a well found job on this poem and there is so much beauty inside of it all. And I recommend that you keep writing, when you feel this way, jot it all down into words, because this is were poetry is born. Lonliness, void, such a lament of feelings can be provoked as you are alone. Even the fear of being lonely for the rest of your life. When are they going to be there, an hour, tommorrow, next month, next year, or maybe, never. You never know when you question yourself these things. And the bad thing about being alone, is that your more vulnerable to fear, rather it be a fear because of cracks and creaks around your house, or it be a more spiteful fear inside of you of being alone for the rest of your life, because who really loves to be alone. It makes you think if anyone is really watching over you. It makes you think if anyone really cares for you. It makes you notice that you depend on those who fill that void inside of your heart from this lonliness. And it hides all fears, it yeilds all crys, it brings life when they around, but when they are not present, that feeling of betrayl that feeling of being lost, that feeling of not being cared for, that feeling of being forsaken, that feeling of neglect is all around. Especially when you get yourself to think the way that your mind can manipulate. Your mind can play a corse a tricks on you as if it were some demon feasting off of your worst fears. Soon when that lonliness plauges you for days, you go without sleep, you go without food, you go without sanity, and you begin to lose yourself, some say they have hallucanated and saw spiritual or demonic things. Some have said they begin to lose their mind, and depression begins to take its toll on you, and that breaks your mind, it tears your soul, it ravishes your hope. Some people say that they like to be alone, but their are many who don't and it brings them to this ball of maddness, and this bad things begin to happen. They either begin to cut, they begin to self inflict other pain on them or others, they fall to the brink of maddness, or even off themselves. Lonliness is not a bad thing. Bull[censored]. Loneliness can be one of our deadliest feelings that anyone can recieve, and that hurt, that foundation we have formed, begins to crumble. Such a sad disastor we set ourselfs up when we are alone, giving people alone time when something just tramatically happened to them, is the worst thing I think somebody could possibly to do, because we as humans can be our own worst enemy, and I believe firmly that this is true. Everybody needs somebody, or something, or somewhere they can run to refuge. Once again. You have potential. You have stability inside of all the poems I've read so far. Capitalise on this. You stand out from the rest of the crowd, and for the third write in a row this is going to be valued inside of my list of favorites. Thank you for the great oppurtunity to read such a write.

| Posted on 2007-03-30 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
  To be lonely is something that no one wants, yet, everyone feels. There are many, many, many poems of lonliness even in my own computer files.
I have gone through long periods of depression, as have many, and it is so good to see you writting. It is something I found late in my sadness. Still, I am even happier to see how much potental and life you have in your poetry. I have been on this site for a while and seen many people going through this same phase, and yet you stand out differently.

The biggest thing that lacks in most poetry of this sort is true emotion. It is no more than empty words and no real surrounding nor a true passion in the lines. You create a nice picture of your feelings and surroudings. Though they are sad, I can relate better when I can imagine you sitting there and thinking these words as you stare out the window in the dark night.

Though there is always critique and advice to be given, I will just stand here and look out the window

"Am i truly alone?
alone like the lonesome moon
so up high in the sky
bright and gleaming like nothing else

Yet the moon still have stars
magical little things
little planets all over the world
not the world, no, the skies"

Am i truly alone?
Why no, I have the stars

| Posted on 2007-01-10 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  You have yourself summed up the radiance of solitude.[Last line of 4th stanza]

"Bright and gleaming like nothing else"

There is a majesty in being alone.

Happy New Year.

| Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by Parul garg | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?