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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Staring At The Ceilingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 775
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1062



    Description:
       Heart Broken... Simply put.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStaring At The Ceilingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hands on the clock immoblilized,
    Unmoving for days, weeks.
    Time interrupted today,
    As tears roll down my cheeks.

    Alone, afraid, abandonded,
    Wrapped up in these sheets,
    The sun beats down on my bed,
    As the most depressing song repeats.

    Staring blankly at the ceiling,
    Longing to have you by my side,
    To hear the beat of the heart
    In which only my love abides.

    I close my eyes, and envision your smile,
    The feel of your lips on my skin.
    That look you give that makes me melt,
    A touch that inspires this feeling within.

    I hear your voice in whisper of the wind,
    Tormented by a constant thought of you,
    Full moon lights up the emptiness I feel,
    This pain so strong, it cannot be subdued.

    Living depressed, chaos rules over my mind,
    My heart weighed down by this lonely feeling,
    Life means nothing, tears keep me company,
    Longing for you, as I stare at the ceiling.




    Submitted on 2007-01-03 17:03:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm a lover of rhyme and your bd rhyme pattern is one I enjoy. This is a well-thought through poem with a pervasive sadness that most have felt, or will experience, at some time. It rates high on the "ability to relate" scale.

    Some time back, another poet suggested to me that I study meter to improve my writing. It was one of those rare criticisms that come through as truly caring and believing in the possibilities of my poetry. I hope my words convey the same encouragement to you. Sometimes, it seems nearly impossible to write what you want/need to say while working with meter. I would say the effort is worthwhile because the end result is masterful. I would encourage you to try meter with rhyme because I see that capacity in you!
    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked how this moves from day to night just staring immobilly at the celiling lost in thoughts of something that is lost... It can be hard sometimes to move on.
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]


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