[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Staring At The Ceilingdots

    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 805
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1062

       Heart Broken... Simply put.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStaring At The Ceilingdots

    Hands on the clock immoblilized,
    Unmoving for days, weeks.
    Time interrupted today,
    As tears roll down my cheeks.

    Alone, afraid, abandonded,
    Wrapped up in these sheets,
    The sun beats down on my bed,
    As the most depressing song repeats.

    Staring blankly at the ceiling,
    Longing to have you by my side,
    To hear the beat of the heart
    In which only my love abides.

    I close my eyes, and envision your smile,
    The feel of your lips on my skin.
    That look you give that makes me melt,
    A touch that inspires this feeling within.

    I hear your voice in whisper of the wind,
    Tormented by a constant thought of you,
    Full moon lights up the emptiness I feel,
    This pain so strong, it cannot be subdued.

    Living depressed, chaos rules over my mind,
    My heart weighed down by this lonely feeling,
    Life means nothing, tears keep me company,
    Longing for you, as I stare at the ceiling.

    Submitted on 2007-01-03 17:03:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm a lover of rhyme and your bd rhyme pattern is one I enjoy. This is a well-thought through poem with a pervasive sadness that most have felt, or will experience, at some time. It rates high on the "ability to relate" scale.

    Some time back, another poet suggested to me that I study meter to improve my writing. It was one of those rare criticisms that come through as truly caring and believing in the possibilities of my poetry. I hope my words convey the same encouragement to you. Sometimes, it seems nearly impossible to write what you want/need to say while working with meter. I would say the effort is worthwhile because the end result is masterful. I would encourage you to try meter with rhyme because I see that capacity in you!
    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked how this moves from day to night just staring immobilly at the celiling lost in thoughts of something that is lost... It can be hard sometimes to move on.
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Push written by JanePlane
    Linger written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Every..... written by jackz
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]