Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Staring At The Ceilingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 784
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1062



    Description:
       Heart Broken... Simply put.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStaring At The Ceilingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hands on the clock immoblilized,
    Unmoving for days, weeks.
    Time interrupted today,
    As tears roll down my cheeks.

    Alone, afraid, abandonded,
    Wrapped up in these sheets,
    The sun beats down on my bed,
    As the most depressing song repeats.

    Staring blankly at the ceiling,
    Longing to have you by my side,
    To hear the beat of the heart
    In which only my love abides.

    I close my eyes, and envision your smile,
    The feel of your lips on my skin.
    That look you give that makes me melt,
    A touch that inspires this feeling within.

    I hear your voice in whisper of the wind,
    Tormented by a constant thought of you,
    Full moon lights up the emptiness I feel,
    This pain so strong, it cannot be subdued.

    Living depressed, chaos rules over my mind,
    My heart weighed down by this lonely feeling,
    Life means nothing, tears keep me company,
    Longing for you, as I stare at the ceiling.




    Submitted on 2007-01-03 17:03:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm a lover of rhyme and your bd rhyme pattern is one I enjoy. This is a well-thought through poem with a pervasive sadness that most have felt, or will experience, at some time. It rates high on the "ability to relate" scale.

    Some time back, another poet suggested to me that I study meter to improve my writing. It was one of those rare criticisms that come through as truly caring and believing in the possibilities of my poetry. I hope my words convey the same encouragement to you. Sometimes, it seems nearly impossible to write what you want/need to say while working with meter. I would say the effort is worthwhile because the end result is masterful. I would encourage you to try meter with rhyme because I see that capacity in you!
    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked how this moves from day to night just staring immobilly at the celiling lost in thoughts of something that is lost... It can be hard sometimes to move on.
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    130804

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry