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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Silver Maidendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 442
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1033
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 3416



    Description:
       this is something that came to me the other day...
    i don't know how i fell about it. i have been sick with a cold and i have been having some problems with someones gossip lately, so, maybe thats why i am not sure about this write.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSilver Maidendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Emerging stealthily over the broken horizon
    (obscured by the rising smoke of cannons)
    Beyond the thick lingering clouds,
    Lurks a concealed face.
    Steadfast in transcendence,
    Immoveable in cadence,
    Captivating as the glistening navel
    Of supple hips swaying in oryanta dansi,
    As congruous waves of the evening tide.

    She exquisitely orbits the velvet abyss
    Unchanged, uninhibited, unrestrained.
    “The towers have fallen!”
    (shouts liberty from the rubble.)
    The sacredness of their tombs
    scorched by the arrogance of the sun.
    Opalescent hues cascade
    across time and space,
    penetrating the crimson ocean of innocent blood.
    A diamond studded silhouette
    descends like a cloak upon the Earth,
    enveloping widows embracing
    malnourished children heaving for a sip of air.

    We are the sunflowers struggling
    through the alcazar of midnight
    trampled under the tyrannical foot
    of the waxing eclipse.
    Nothing more than estranged lambs
    caught in the thickets of the shearer.
    And I,
    I am a firefly a float the molasses
    of the infinite expanse of the universe
    swallowed by a myriad of nimbus galaxies.

    Immersed in the hazy blue mist of the harvest evening
    the silver maiden’s voice falls
    unto the crevasses of my ears saying…

    “Hush now,

    child and I will give you rest.
    Where were you when the foundations
    of the earth were laid?
    Have you heard the choir
    of morning stars singing the chorus of the day?
    Did you shout with the sons of God
    in worship of El Shaddai on the eve of creation?
    Can you bind both the east and west wind
    with the dulcet inspiration of Pleiades and Orion?
    Does lightning bolt, from your fingertips?
    Is there thunder reverberating in your footsteps?
    Have you measured the countless galaxies
    with the span of your hand?
    Was it your strength that infused
    the strident horse?
    Does the eagle ride the current of your majesty?
    Or the lion roar according to your splendor?
    The heavens and the earth belong
    to El Elyon the most high God,
    and I am but a reflection of His glory.”

    Touching the Almighty-
    My brittle frame becomes galvanized with fire
    And my loins are girth with truth.


    “Silver maiden of the night

    Conqueror of the solar light

    Pale in thy austere demeanor

    Dreadful as the autumn knight”…

    Tis’ the exotic muse of the dark salient troubadour

    And the contrite dreamers of the twilight.



    From the ancient origins of the Divine bosom
    We are bathed by your magnificent light.”




    Submitted on 2007-01-03 19:18:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very well written, excellent imagery, good reminder that all things, no matter how magnificent in and of themselves still pale next to the Creator, at least that's what I felt when reading it :)

    Dean
    | Posted on 2007-01-17 00:00:00 | by Survivor_Dean | [ Reply to This ]
      This is gorgeous, john-paul and I don't think I would change much if anything as far as wording in concerned. When I look at the first strophe, I see all caps at the beginning of the lines.

    Emerging stealthily over the broken horizon
    (obscured by the rising smoke of cannons)
    beyond the thick lingering clouds,
    lurks a concealed face.
    Steadfast in transcendence,
    immoveable in cadence,
    captivating as the glistening navel
    of supple hips swaying in oryanta dansi,
    as congruous waves of the evening tide.

    I removed the caps because even though we speak in stanzas in a poem, the thoughts are sentences. I apologize, I don't use caps at all and often let a poem exist without punctuation until it seems to fall into the poem itself. But if you read this now, the flow and sense of it goes deeper Or it that just my opinion?
    To me the caps are just like stones in my path, now it flows like butta!

    We are the sunflowers struggling
    through the alcazar of midnight
    trampled under the tyrannical foot
    of the waxing eclipse.
    Nothing more than estranged lambs
    caught in the thickets of the shearer.
    And I,
    I am a firefly a float the molasses
    of the infinite expanse of the universe
    swallowed by a myriad of nimbus galaxies.

    Immersed in the hazy blue mist of the harvest evening
    the silver maiden’s voice falls
    unto the crevasses of my ears saying…

    You play the insignificance of us well here, great images to tie it all in a neat package. I would say "And I am a firefly afloat.."
    instead of using I twice, it's just a little heavy on the drama.

    I like the transition into the italics too, nice work john-paul and thanks for your prayers, I am starting to feel better!

    Nan



    | Posted on 2007-01-05 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      “Hush now,
    child and I will give you rest.
    Where were you when the foundations
    of the earth were laid?
    Have you heard the choir
    of morning stars singing the chorus of the day?
    Did you shout with the sons of God
    in worship of El Shaddai on the eve of creation?
    Can you bind both the east and west wind
    with the dulcet inspiration of Pleiades and Orion?
    Does lightning bolt, from your fingertips?
    Is there thunder reverberating in your footsteps?
    Have you measured the countless galaxies
    with the span of your hand?
    Was it your strength that infused
    the strident horse?
    Does the eagle ride the current of your majesty?
    Or the lion roar according to your splendor?
    The heavens and the earth belong
    to El Elyon the most high God,
    and I am but a reflection of His glory.”



    This hearkens back to your earlier, more romantic works in many ways (language, passionate metaphors, knights and heraldry) but in a much more mature style seeking answers to more profoundly asked questions (and apparently recieving the same answer Job was given when God spoke to him directly after a long night of false accusations). It is interesting that the creation literally testifies of God in this case, with the moon rebuking the observer for not giving the Creator the glory the observer casts on His creation. Quite an intriguing write, Reverend.

    Take care, J.P.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful homage to the moon, nice job here with love-imagery and the potrayal of the moon (I've written a few moon poems myself). Only change I'd make would be the last line: 'We are bathed IN your magnificent light.'

    Terrific work, JP!
    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      your too brilliant for me... there are many wonderful elements about this piece. i like the personification of the moon and its steadfastness despite many turns of events... from the parting of the red sea to the world trade falling- the moon has witnessed it all.. i like that about this poem- it reminds us of its infinite presence... who dare compete with that... but what i like most about this piece is that the moon directs us to another infinite source- Jesus!!! if there is anything glorious and steadfast about the moon it is due to its creator Jehovah!!! the same applies to us... we are worthy because of Him. your work always makes the reader think- it challenges us... nicely done...

    from: yours...
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by Sacred Sindy | [ Reply to This ]
      most wonderful.. i'm very impressed... your world intrigued me...
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by blackbird | [ Reply to This ]
      I want to favorate it, but I'm not so sure how I feel about it about as much day and night I guess, as beautiful as it is.
    But I'm sure as you know, its a wonderful piece of art. Well done.
    Di
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by Andz | [ Reply to This ]
      Aah, a tribute to the moon. She is such beauty, such sorrow, yet she shines.

    It is amazing how she can be so when she looks out over all the horrors of the world. It speaks of the morbidness.

    This piece touched me in a way that I can't explain. So I won't even try. It is as close to perfect as it can be.

    I think it is a fave.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]


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