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    dots Submission Name: Maybe Tomorrowdots

    Author: Fougene
    ASL Info:    17/m/Saskatoon Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.57 - 23/22/39
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 700
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 785

       Another mediocre poem. No need for general criticism, because I know things like the phrasing, the wording, etc. are pretty bad, and also the "hinting at a story" part is also very bad, no vivid imagery, etc.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMaybe Tomorrowdots

    Dim my passion, Goddess of Love
    So the spear of fervour wound me not so deeply
    The knife of ardour scar me not so painfully
    But, may it wait one more day

    A heart perhaps meant to bleed
    Broken, break, and to be broken again
    Shall never callous against the injuring infatuation
    Nonetheless, it could last one more day

    For, should I ever turn an unheeding ear
    To an ardent cry for a helping hand
    Or for a loving companion, expelling solitude
    I curse forever my hellish being
    That which betrays a wounded soul

    Thus, lash my heard one more day
    With numerous feelings unresolved
    So the next day, I, desolate
    Shall cry again, for the dimming of my passion.

    Submitted on 2007-01-03 22:36:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

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    January 10 07
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